My wife and I recently had our first child (adoptive) come to us. She is a sweetheart and I am sooooooo in love with her. My wife and I have been enjoying our new life as parents. People have been great in congratulating me and all. Lately almost everyone who knows of my medical transition history (which is mostly internet people) have been asking me "Are you gonna tell your daughter you transitioned?" OR they ask "When are you going to tell your daughter you transitioned?"
My response to this is usually, "IF I tell her it probably won't be til she is over 18 and the only other way I would tell her is if she found out. I doubt she will find out by accident because anyone who would be around my child would not 'mess up' because they understand and respect the fact that I like to keep my medical history private (the community refers to this as STEALTH)."
I have been fine with this answer and most people say, "oh ok" and go on with their lives, HOWEVER there are people who say that I will be "denying" my child the opportunity of knowing the "WHOLE" me. WTF? I am the whole me!
Some people also have stated "How will your daughter respect trans people if she doesn't know you transitioned?" I find this question is just stupid when I hear it.
First off I know cis-couples who teach their children not to be racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic and to generally respect people and ALL their "differences."
My wife and I are intelligent enough to teach my child how to respect trans/transitioned people but moreso EVERYONE without me having to disclose that I transitioned.
I have been wondering though, "What is the point of me telling her?"
I don't see any benefit in her having that knowledge. The only reason why I might tell her when She is older is because depending on my bottom surgery outcome and other things her having that information if I am unable to speak for myself might be useful. Plus I would rather explain it to her rather than she find out while I am unconcious and she hears some bastardized version from a random stranger. Outside of that there is no discussion to be had. I also don't want to have some Lifetime movie moment with her and say "Sweetie, Daddy has something to tell you..." That to me is just a little much. If I were living as Female when I adopted her THEN was transitioning to male it would make sense for me to tell her but that is NOT the case.
What would you do?! No, seriously I am interested in knowing especially if you are stealth.
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hell just do what makes you happy...but remember she's a female they snoop lol. but im sure she would be just fine if she found out cuz regardless your her dad
ReplyDeleteI am happy NOT telling her.
ReplyDeleteUnless my kids ask, there is no reason for Daddy to explain that. And as long as my kids understand the importance of being tolerant of people with different lifestyles then they will be fine. As it stands, both K and I want to adopt babies as well as young kids who fit under the LGBTQ umbrella (so they too can have a home of love finally -- even if we have to foster first).
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post... I've thought about that as well... I really don't think I'm going to tell my future kids unless it's really going to benefit them in life, but I do plan on emphasising the importance of respect and understanding that everyone is different... I don't think my transition has any effect on parenting or how I want my kids to see me... I will always be their father, with or without the medicine and surgery.
ReplyDeletepeace.