Less than 24 hours til I leave

I am really procrastinating on this packing. I wish I could just hop on the plane without carrying anything. I know I will pack before it is too late. I have to be on the plane in 20 hours which means I have a solid 17 hours to pack. I only need 20 minutes to make sure I have everything. I don't need much since I am not going to be wearing pants for most of the time or even underwear for that matter. Just a few shirts and some flipflops and I am good to go.

I am spending time playing with my daughter right now because she is active and in 3 days I won't really be able to hold her (unless she is sleeping)since her favorite thing to do is jump in my lap which won't be too fun right after surgery.

My wife went to get some personal items and do her hair. lol. So it's me and the little silly relaxing and procrastinating on packing.

"Are you gonna tell your daughter....?"

My wife and I recently had our first child (adoptive) come to us. She is a sweetheart and I am sooooooo in love with her. My wife and I have been enjoying our new life as parents. People have been great in congratulating me and all. Lately almost everyone who knows of my medical transition history (which is mostly internet people) have been asking me "Are you gonna tell your daughter you transitioned?" OR they ask "When are you going to tell your daughter you transitioned?"

My response to this is usually, "IF I tell her it probably won't be til she is over 18 and the only other way I would tell her is if she found out. I doubt she will find out by accident because anyone who would be around my child would not 'mess up' because they understand and respect the fact that I like to keep my medical history private (the community refers to this as STEALTH)."

I have been fine with this answer and most people say, "oh ok" and go on with their lives, HOWEVER there are people who say that I will be "denying" my child the opportunity of knowing the "WHOLE" me. WTF? I am the whole me!
Some people also have stated "How will your daughter respect trans people if she doesn't know you transitioned?" I find this question is just stupid when I hear it.

First off I know cis-couples who teach their children not to be racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic and to generally respect people and ALL their "differences."
My wife and I are intelligent enough to teach my child how to respect trans/transitioned people but moreso EVERYONE without me having to disclose that I transitioned.

I have been wondering though, "What is the point of me telling her?"
I don't see any benefit in her having that knowledge. The only reason why I might tell her when She is older is because depending on my bottom surgery outcome and other things her having that information if I am unable to speak for myself might be useful. Plus I would rather explain it to her rather than she find out while I am unconcious and she hears some bastardized version from a random stranger. Outside of that there is no discussion to be had. I also don't want to have some Lifetime movie moment with her and say "Sweetie, Daddy has something to tell you..." That to me is just a little much. If I were living as Female when I adopted her THEN was transitioning to male it would make sense for me to tell her but that is NOT the case.

What would you do?! No, seriously I am interested in knowing especially if you are stealth.

Moving forward and being positive.

There has a been a lot of craziness going on around me. Somethings I understand and some things I really don't. I decided to just move forward FOR ME. Move forward in lower surgery planning and move forward in life. Instead of waiting and wondering just live life! I decided to step back on some things and other things I am stepping up on. Writing these blogs have kept in a good head space. It has allowed me to get a lot of stuff out. The negative toxic stuff can't be held it. I must purge it to stay pure of spirit. I do malice to no one but get pure malice done to me. I could harbor it and become the very thing I hate but before doing that. I step back. Some people will not be getting phone calls any longer. Some people's calls I will not answer. Some people I will reach out to more to show them I value them while others I will step back from. It is so hard for me at times to set boundaries and draw lines BUT I am ready to do it FOR ME!

I have helped guys with lower surgery and hystos but I have yet to get my own done.
Finally I am taking the steps I need for me. I have already scheduled my Hysto which will be a total laparoscopic hysto. I am excited about this. I will not post the date on here just yet because somethings I want to enjoy solely with close friends (who i consider brothers) and family.

Closer to the time I will post my experience and the things related to the process. For now I celebrate in private the date.

I am really happy that I have gotten to this point and I look forward to other positive things.

My daughter is thriving my, Men's forums in my area are thriving, my non-profit is thriving, my clinic is thriving. I need to focus on thriving and leave the negativity behind.

I have to go back to my days of always finidng the silver lining. I want this blog to be about my REAL thoughts and REAL opinion on things. Sometimes that will be very dark and grim but other times it will be positive and uplifting (at least I hope so.)

Today though it started out confusing because I still don't know what is going on with some stuff, for the most part it has been cathartic and beautiful.
The weather is nice here, I have the day off of work, I spent the day with my daughter and took her shopping (It has already begun!)

Life is good and I plan to use the positive stuff to keep me on cloud nine and allow the negativity and back stabbing to sink someone else. Misery loves company and I don't want to be the company!