I decided to make the move from Blogger to word press for the features as well as control. Blogger has giving me issues for some time and with my increase in blogging as well as followers I decided it was time to do this. I will try it out for a while and if all goes well I will just stick with wordpress and delete this blogger account. For now this blogger account will stay up but new posts will be made to wordpress.
Follow me on http://Prettyboicris.wordpress.com
Monday, August 30, 2010
Day 12- Post-op Meta- August 29th, 2010 Part II
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful.
Bladder getting stronger. Pain subsiding. Energery getting better.
I think that I am for the most part done with any pain meds. If I do need any it will probably just be at night after a long day of physical movement until I am 100%. I plan to put myself on my own physical therapy regimen so to speak. This will consist of me going to the gym to do so light walking and stretching within reason. I will talk to my surgeon about this to see if that would be okay since I can't work out. If I get the green light to do this then I will. I feel it will help me build back up my energy and endurance until I can get back to my old self.
I took my T shot tonight. I know I could have taken it from last week but decided to wait for my own reasons.
I think taking my shot will help me with the fatigue that I have been feeling.
I am officially back to wearing my usual underwear which are boxer briefs.
I am no longer wearing any pads at all.
I plan to run some errands this week but still don't want to overdo it. Just a little each day. Tomorrow will consist of me going to the passport office and doing some other little things. I had a passport before but it expired. I will use this extra time off work to get a new 10 year passport since the last one I had wasn't a 10 year one.
I have my old one as well as the necessary documents for my application I just need to get my photo taken for the application.
Bladder getting stronger. Pain subsiding. Energery getting better.
I think that I am for the most part done with any pain meds. If I do need any it will probably just be at night after a long day of physical movement until I am 100%. I plan to put myself on my own physical therapy regimen so to speak. This will consist of me going to the gym to do so light walking and stretching within reason. I will talk to my surgeon about this to see if that would be okay since I can't work out. If I get the green light to do this then I will. I feel it will help me build back up my energy and endurance until I can get back to my old self.
I took my T shot tonight. I know I could have taken it from last week but decided to wait for my own reasons.
I think taking my shot will help me with the fatigue that I have been feeling.
I am officially back to wearing my usual underwear which are boxer briefs.
I am no longer wearing any pads at all.
I plan to run some errands this week but still don't want to overdo it. Just a little each day. Tomorrow will consist of me going to the passport office and doing some other little things. I had a passport before but it expired. I will use this extra time off work to get a new 10 year passport since the last one I had wasn't a 10 year one.
I have my old one as well as the necessary documents for my application I just need to get my photo taken for the application.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Day 12- Post Op Meta - August 29th, 2010 -PART I
SUCCESS!
I just peed standing through my new penis facing the toilet with a nice strong (though crooked) stream.
Something told me since my penis wasn't as sore as it has been since surgery to try it out so I held it and tried to pee. At first I had a little hesitation since my muscles were tense and all. I waited a little then tried again and it worked. I called my wife and she ran because she thought something was wrong. As I was peeing I had to lean to the right so I wouldn't pee on the floor because my urine was shooting left. I need to practice more before I graduate to the urinals but I did manage to do it standing with me peeing through the fly of my boxer briefs.
Time for bed. Part II will come after I really get the day started
I just peed standing through my new penis facing the toilet with a nice strong (though crooked) stream.
Something told me since my penis wasn't as sore as it has been since surgery to try it out so I held it and tried to pee. At first I had a little hesitation since my muscles were tense and all. I waited a little then tried again and it worked. I called my wife and she ran because she thought something was wrong. As I was peeing I had to lean to the right so I wouldn't pee on the floor because my urine was shooting left. I need to practice more before I graduate to the urinals but I did manage to do it standing with me peeing through the fly of my boxer briefs.
Time for bed. Part II will come after I really get the day started
Day 11- Post op Meta- August 28th, 2010
Today was an regular day.
I slept in so that I can be sure to get lots of rest to promote healing before I return to work in a few weeks.
We went out for a family brunch. I left my inflatable cushion at home. It was fine though because I was fine sitting without it. There was some mild discomfort sitting while at Brunch but not enough for me to need the cushion.
We decided to go Grocery shopping because since we got back we have been eating a combination of food that was not at all home cooking and it was time to get some essentials.
We did grocery shopping which involved walking around. I was fine with that. Towards the end though did feel soreness from the walking but not in my thighs in my penis. I still haven't figured out how to adjust my walk to consistantly keep from creating negative friction since my penis is still swollen.
When I got back home I took a nap to rejuvinate myself and that did help.
Picking stuff up off the floor, squating and bending is still difficult and uncomfortable but is getting better. I didn't think it would hurt but I feel it along the incision line for my vaginectomy which when I thought about it made some sense.
The soreness is getting better and I am glad that I don't need the inflatable cushion in public though at home if I am sitting in one spot for extended periods of time it is necessary for comfort.
I slept in so that I can be sure to get lots of rest to promote healing before I return to work in a few weeks.
We went out for a family brunch. I left my inflatable cushion at home. It was fine though because I was fine sitting without it. There was some mild discomfort sitting while at Brunch but not enough for me to need the cushion.
We decided to go Grocery shopping because since we got back we have been eating a combination of food that was not at all home cooking and it was time to get some essentials.
We did grocery shopping which involved walking around. I was fine with that. Towards the end though did feel soreness from the walking but not in my thighs in my penis. I still haven't figured out how to adjust my walk to consistantly keep from creating negative friction since my penis is still swollen.
When I got back home I took a nap to rejuvinate myself and that did help.
Picking stuff up off the floor, squating and bending is still difficult and uncomfortable but is getting better. I didn't think it would hurt but I feel it along the incision line for my vaginectomy which when I thought about it made some sense.
The soreness is getting better and I am glad that I don't need the inflatable cushion in public though at home if I am sitting in one spot for extended periods of time it is necessary for comfort.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Dapy 10- Post op Meta- August 27th, 2010
Today I woke up with the sensation that I Really had to pee. I went to the bathroom and peed but the sensation was still there. I got angry at my bladder and squeezed it (Hard to explain) which ironically helped because my bladder is still tender but squeezing it the way I did soothed it enough for me to fully empty it.
I called Dr. Bowers' office when it was late enough for it to be open (I am 2 hours ahead of Colorado). I told Robin what happened and what I thought. She let Dr. Bowers know and all 3 of us agreed that my bladder needs time to heal from not one but TWO Catheters. I remember that after my hysto I had the same sensation for a few days and that Catheter I only had in for a few hours so it stands to reason if I have 2 catheters in for a week then it will take a few weeks for the spasms to subside. The spasms happen when I wait too long to pee/ my bladder gets too full and my bladder in it's angry state spasms when it tries to empty all that urine so "squeezing" my abdomen/ or adding warm compress will help. A gentle squeeze works just fine for me. It is more like a press/massage of my bladder using my thumbs and index fingers.
I know my body well enough to know that it is not an infection, inflammation or anything "wrong" but to be safe I let my surgeon know and was glad to find out that it really was normal.
I am still drinking lots of fluids. I'm not regular yet in terms of BMs and that has more to do with my diet being off than anything else. I look forward to being "regular" again.
The pain was managable today. My wife had me laughing so hard my penis bounced which hurt. It was nice to feel it bounce from a mental perspective noticing the difference in the physiology of it, but from a real physical stand point IT HURT! My penis is still tender but getting better. Today I decided not to even bother with the pads. I just put the manties on and made sure to put my inflatable cushion down on the couch covered with the disposable pads to catch any "drainage accidents." Luckily there were none and I was fine with just the manties.
Today was the first time my appetite was really back to normal. I didn't really notice it before. Since surgery I ate regularly but that had more to do with me eating so that the pain meds and antibiotics wouldn't upset my stomach. I never really felt hungry I just ate on schedule. My wife also noticed it today too. It was the first time she heard me say that I was actuall "hungry". Since surgery she would ask me if I was hungry I would usually say "not really, but I should eat to take my meds soon..." or something of that nature. Today was more like "Baby what are we eating?"
I had a full plate of dinner and finished it in one sitting as opposed to picking at it and eating it slowly.
My wife got me the newest book today from my favorite Author. It came out on the same day that I had surgery. Trinidad, CO didn't have a Barnes and Noble accessible and even if they did I doubt they would carry this book.
It was an nice surgery gift which I will enjoy for sure since I will need help passing time for the rest of the weeks that I am home. My wife is going back to work on Monday so it will just be me and my pets.
Tonight after I took my evening shower I couldn't find the clean manties I had in my luggage (still haven't upacked yet) so I decided to run the risk of wearing my boxer briefs. To be honest they actually feel comfortable. We will see how it goes tomorrow.
That's all for today. Time for BED!
I called Dr. Bowers' office when it was late enough for it to be open (I am 2 hours ahead of Colorado). I told Robin what happened and what I thought. She let Dr. Bowers know and all 3 of us agreed that my bladder needs time to heal from not one but TWO Catheters. I remember that after my hysto I had the same sensation for a few days and that Catheter I only had in for a few hours so it stands to reason if I have 2 catheters in for a week then it will take a few weeks for the spasms to subside. The spasms happen when I wait too long to pee/ my bladder gets too full and my bladder in it's angry state spasms when it tries to empty all that urine so "squeezing" my abdomen/ or adding warm compress will help. A gentle squeeze works just fine for me. It is more like a press/massage of my bladder using my thumbs and index fingers.
I know my body well enough to know that it is not an infection, inflammation or anything "wrong" but to be safe I let my surgeon know and was glad to find out that it really was normal.
I am still drinking lots of fluids. I'm not regular yet in terms of BMs and that has more to do with my diet being off than anything else. I look forward to being "regular" again.
The pain was managable today. My wife had me laughing so hard my penis bounced which hurt. It was nice to feel it bounce from a mental perspective noticing the difference in the physiology of it, but from a real physical stand point IT HURT! My penis is still tender but getting better. Today I decided not to even bother with the pads. I just put the manties on and made sure to put my inflatable cushion down on the couch covered with the disposable pads to catch any "drainage accidents." Luckily there were none and I was fine with just the manties.
Today was the first time my appetite was really back to normal. I didn't really notice it before. Since surgery I ate regularly but that had more to do with me eating so that the pain meds and antibiotics wouldn't upset my stomach. I never really felt hungry I just ate on schedule. My wife also noticed it today too. It was the first time she heard me say that I was actuall "hungry". Since surgery she would ask me if I was hungry I would usually say "not really, but I should eat to take my meds soon..." or something of that nature. Today was more like "Baby what are we eating?"
I had a full plate of dinner and finished it in one sitting as opposed to picking at it and eating it slowly.
My wife got me the newest book today from my favorite Author. It came out on the same day that I had surgery. Trinidad, CO didn't have a Barnes and Noble accessible and even if they did I doubt they would carry this book.
It was an nice surgery gift which I will enjoy for sure since I will need help passing time for the rest of the weeks that I am home. My wife is going back to work on Monday so it will just be me and my pets.
Tonight after I took my evening shower I couldn't find the clean manties I had in my luggage (still haven't upacked yet) so I decided to run the risk of wearing my boxer briefs. To be honest they actually feel comfortable. We will see how it goes tomorrow.
That's all for today. Time for BED!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Day 9- Post op Meta- August 26th, 2010
Last night I took the last of my antibiotics for my bladder. Tonight I took the last of my general antibiotic. I still have pain meds. I plan to get some over the counter pain meds to help with the remaining discomfort. I think I will just need some for night time mainly.
My urine is back to normal color since it has been 24 hours since I last took the bladder medicine. It is nice to no longer have neon orange urine.
I went back to wearing manties today. I thought it would be great but my penis did not like it. My penis is angry with all underwear at this time. The pads that I usually wear to catch the "discharge" from the underside of my penis that is part of the healing process, irritates the hell out of it how. Also underwear touching it is a uncomfortable. Everytime something touches my penis I am not too comfortable with that. I actually ended up having to sit on the inflatable cushion with a disposable pad ( I got some from the hospital) covering it and the manties on but saggy to feel comfortable.
My penis is coming out of hiding more. He is getting longer. I am not circimsized. Dr. Bowers left me "uncut", which is fine by me. The foreskin is covering most of my penis though do to the swelling. I see the head creeping it's way out hopefully soon I will see my full flaccid length since the swelling an tenderness is causing some mild retraction.
Even if my penis were to stay this exact size I would still be very happy.
This morning I woke up really having to pee. I urinated but had the sensation that I still needed to go. I waited but nothing happened. I went back to bed. I got nervous that something was wrong but I realized throughout the day that my bladder is still sensitive so if I wait too long it feels like I'm not fully done even when I am but that went away through the day since I didn't wait til the last minute to pee.
My stream is steady but not strong I called Dr. Bowers office to let them know and I was told to watch it. Since I did have 2 catheters removed and major surgery all just a few days ago all of this is normal. My urine isn't cloudy, I'm able to urinate, no burning sensation when I pee. Overall things seem to be coming along just more time is needed for swelling to subside and I get used to my new penis.
Sitting is getting easier which is a plus. Walking has gotten more awkward because of my penis not wanting anything to touch it so underwear, pants or any of that too close is just not fun so I walk a little funny to keep the underwear from rubbing. I will definitely have to figure out what to do about that. Another thing I am hoping and confident will get better with time.
My urine is back to normal color since it has been 24 hours since I last took the bladder medicine. It is nice to no longer have neon orange urine.
I went back to wearing manties today. I thought it would be great but my penis did not like it. My penis is angry with all underwear at this time. The pads that I usually wear to catch the "discharge" from the underside of my penis that is part of the healing process, irritates the hell out of it how. Also underwear touching it is a uncomfortable. Everytime something touches my penis I am not too comfortable with that. I actually ended up having to sit on the inflatable cushion with a disposable pad ( I got some from the hospital) covering it and the manties on but saggy to feel comfortable.
My penis is coming out of hiding more. He is getting longer. I am not circimsized. Dr. Bowers left me "uncut", which is fine by me. The foreskin is covering most of my penis though do to the swelling. I see the head creeping it's way out hopefully soon I will see my full flaccid length since the swelling an tenderness is causing some mild retraction.
Even if my penis were to stay this exact size I would still be very happy.
This morning I woke up really having to pee. I urinated but had the sensation that I still needed to go. I waited but nothing happened. I went back to bed. I got nervous that something was wrong but I realized throughout the day that my bladder is still sensitive so if I wait too long it feels like I'm not fully done even when I am but that went away through the day since I didn't wait til the last minute to pee.
My stream is steady but not strong I called Dr. Bowers office to let them know and I was told to watch it. Since I did have 2 catheters removed and major surgery all just a few days ago all of this is normal. My urine isn't cloudy, I'm able to urinate, no burning sensation when I pee. Overall things seem to be coming along just more time is needed for swelling to subside and I get used to my new penis.
Sitting is getting easier which is a plus. Walking has gotten more awkward because of my penis not wanting anything to touch it so underwear, pants or any of that too close is just not fun so I walk a little funny to keep the underwear from rubbing. I will definitely have to figure out what to do about that. Another thing I am hoping and confident will get better with time.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
What I did to prepare for Meta and a little more
Some people have been asking me what I did to prepare for surgery. I have scattered throughout my blog the different things I did to prepare but I think it would make sense to mention it in a post specifically.
I will also go back and try and tag the posts that I did previously.
To prepare for surgery I started taking cranberry extract pills to promote urinary tract health. I also started taking vitamin C to boost my immune system. I began trying to drink more fluids but wasn't as successful pre-op as I could have been.
I also had been saying for weeks that I wanted to get back in the gym and workout. About a month before surgery I finally got off my butt and got my membership. I worked out 4-5 days a week. Focusing on my core and cardio. This resulted in me losing about 6 or so pounds and building muscle which was great for such a short amount of time.
I also worked on doing a lot of stretching so that I wouldn't stiffen up so easily post op.
I also made sure to increase my fruit and veggie intake
In terms of medically I made sure to see my Primary care Physician and get a physical done about 6 or 7 weeks prior to surgery to make sure that if there was any issues they could be addressed in time for surgery. I had an EKG done which came back fine. I had other surgeries in the past so it was actually quite easy for me to deal with anesthesia. I guess I should also add that I am allergic to eggs and the one they most commonly give people has an egg based ingredient so I can't use that one. It seems lucky for me because I never feel nausea after anesthesia. I just feel like my eyes are heavy for a few hours. I am always completely alert but just can't keep both eyes open at the same time. I can only open my eyes one at a time because they feel like they weigh a ton. Outside of that I bounce back from anesthesia quite fast!
I also donate blood a month before surgery. The reason for this was 2 fold 1) I build up red blood cells more now since being on T and donating blood regularly keeps my RBC count in the perfect zone for me.
2) I get time off work for being a regular donor.
The time off came in handy to see my doctor to get my medical clearance for surgery.
I guess that is all
I will also go back and try and tag the posts that I did previously.
To prepare for surgery I started taking cranberry extract pills to promote urinary tract health. I also started taking vitamin C to boost my immune system. I began trying to drink more fluids but wasn't as successful pre-op as I could have been.
I also had been saying for weeks that I wanted to get back in the gym and workout. About a month before surgery I finally got off my butt and got my membership. I worked out 4-5 days a week. Focusing on my core and cardio. This resulted in me losing about 6 or so pounds and building muscle which was great for such a short amount of time.
I also worked on doing a lot of stretching so that I wouldn't stiffen up so easily post op.
I also made sure to increase my fruit and veggie intake
In terms of medically I made sure to see my Primary care Physician and get a physical done about 6 or 7 weeks prior to surgery to make sure that if there was any issues they could be addressed in time for surgery. I had an EKG done which came back fine. I had other surgeries in the past so it was actually quite easy for me to deal with anesthesia. I guess I should also add that I am allergic to eggs and the one they most commonly give people has an egg based ingredient so I can't use that one. It seems lucky for me because I never feel nausea after anesthesia. I just feel like my eyes are heavy for a few hours. I am always completely alert but just can't keep both eyes open at the same time. I can only open my eyes one at a time because they feel like they weigh a ton. Outside of that I bounce back from anesthesia quite fast!
I also donate blood a month before surgery. The reason for this was 2 fold 1) I build up red blood cells more now since being on T and donating blood regularly keeps my RBC count in the perfect zone for me.
2) I get time off work for being a regular donor.
The time off came in handy to see my doctor to get my medical clearance for surgery.
I guess that is all
Day 8- Post op Meta- August 25th, 2010
Today was Travel day.
Robin came and got us early in the morning to drive us 2 hours away to the Airport in Colorado Springs. I was nervous about the ride because sitting is still a sensitive thing for me. I had my inflatable cushion and foam cushion. I tried to use both of the cushions in the car and that worked well. I had the foam one on the bottom and the inflatable one on top. When we reached to the airport the only thing I wanted to do was urinate but with the amount of fluids I have been drinking that is to be expected.
When I went to the Airport bathroom I noticed that my penis was starting to stand out more. I was excited about this at first then realized how uncomfortable my choice in underwear was.
I decided to wear Jeans shorts home and since the "Manties" are thin I didn't think that would be great for travel so I decided to wear briefs to hold the pad in place with boxers over it. The briefs were comfy but the pad kept rubbing against the head of my penis which was hyper sensitive. It made me keep adjusting. I ended up ditching the pad before I even got to the plane and was temptend to just rock out with my cock out in the boxers but decided to try and work with the underwear.
Walking was okay for the most part. At times I would get tired because it was more walking than I have done since surgery. The Ramps in the airport were a pain because the incline would trigger tenderness. I was lucky that I planned my pain medications very well so that I would be able to take a pill before each flight. (I had a connecting flight).
When I got on the plane I was a little nervous about the sitting because my wife was to my right and on the other side of me was a guy who was sitting with his legs open (he was in the aisle seat) so I felt weird to sit with mine open too because then our legs would be rubbing.
At first I tried sitting on both cushions but then the seat belt was too tight on my stomach which has a tender spot from where the suprapubic catheter was. I decided to just sit on the inflatable cushion which I only half inflated so it was more "squishy". It was perfect and I was fine the whole plane ride.
We had a connection in Texas and our flight was a little delayed which was annoying but we still managed to get in on time so it all worked out.
Being home feels great. I was actually able to get a good look at the underside of my penis and at my overall penis in general because i have a big hand mirror that is double sided and one side magnifies stuff so you can see detail. The underside of my penis is still swollen. I can also see some of the stitches still there. Seeing this remind me that even though I am doing well so far I still need to take it easy in order to continue to heal well.
I am urinating fine. I don't feel any issues with my bladder or urinary tract but there is a weird sensation as the urine is exiting my body but I think that has to do with the swelling and tenderness. I will watch it. I am trying not to be overly nervous but I also don't want to overlook any potential issues.
Im really tired and still haven't gone to bed yet. I'm going to go do that and if I remember more I will add a part II.
Robin came and got us early in the morning to drive us 2 hours away to the Airport in Colorado Springs. I was nervous about the ride because sitting is still a sensitive thing for me. I had my inflatable cushion and foam cushion. I tried to use both of the cushions in the car and that worked well. I had the foam one on the bottom and the inflatable one on top. When we reached to the airport the only thing I wanted to do was urinate but with the amount of fluids I have been drinking that is to be expected.
When I went to the Airport bathroom I noticed that my penis was starting to stand out more. I was excited about this at first then realized how uncomfortable my choice in underwear was.
I decided to wear Jeans shorts home and since the "Manties" are thin I didn't think that would be great for travel so I decided to wear briefs to hold the pad in place with boxers over it. The briefs were comfy but the pad kept rubbing against the head of my penis which was hyper sensitive. It made me keep adjusting. I ended up ditching the pad before I even got to the plane and was temptend to just rock out with my cock out in the boxers but decided to try and work with the underwear.
Walking was okay for the most part. At times I would get tired because it was more walking than I have done since surgery. The Ramps in the airport were a pain because the incline would trigger tenderness. I was lucky that I planned my pain medications very well so that I would be able to take a pill before each flight. (I had a connecting flight).
When I got on the plane I was a little nervous about the sitting because my wife was to my right and on the other side of me was a guy who was sitting with his legs open (he was in the aisle seat) so I felt weird to sit with mine open too because then our legs would be rubbing.
At first I tried sitting on both cushions but then the seat belt was too tight on my stomach which has a tender spot from where the suprapubic catheter was. I decided to just sit on the inflatable cushion which I only half inflated so it was more "squishy". It was perfect and I was fine the whole plane ride.
We had a connection in Texas and our flight was a little delayed which was annoying but we still managed to get in on time so it all worked out.
Being home feels great. I was actually able to get a good look at the underside of my penis and at my overall penis in general because i have a big hand mirror that is double sided and one side magnifies stuff so you can see detail. The underside of my penis is still swollen. I can also see some of the stitches still there. Seeing this remind me that even though I am doing well so far I still need to take it easy in order to continue to heal well.
I am urinating fine. I don't feel any issues with my bladder or urinary tract but there is a weird sensation as the urine is exiting my body but I think that has to do with the swelling and tenderness. I will watch it. I am trying not to be overly nervous but I also don't want to overlook any potential issues.
Im really tired and still haven't gone to bed yet. I'm going to go do that and if I remember more I will add a part II.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Day 7- Post-op Meta- August 24th, 2010
It has officially been one week since I have my metoidioplasty with Dr. Marci Bowers in Trinidad, CO.
This morning when I woke up I went to urinate and I felt inspire to try peeing directly facing the toilet instead of "hovering".
I started out pretty slow and my bladder was so full I just had to stop. I tried again the next time I had to pee and I started off ok. What I did notice was that due to my penis being swollen along the shaft (especially the left side) my penis leans to the right so my stream was going more to the left. As I started to urinate it went into the toilet but as the stream got stronger it started going left which was a little messy. My penis is still too tender for me to completely hold it so I just leaned my pelvis forward as far as was comfortable since I still had the suprapubic Catheter.
Once the office was open I called Robin at Dr. Bowers' office to let her know that I was urinating without issue for the past 24 hours. She told me what time Dr. Bowers wanted me to come in.
Janet came to get me so that I could go see Dr. Bowers about getting the suprapubic catheter out.
Dr. Bowers came in to see me and I told her how it has been urinating. She once again assured me that as the swelling goes down the more forward my penis will be and the easier it will be for me to pee standing holding my penis.
Dr. Bowers cut the stitches that were holding the suprapubic catherter in place. When she took it out the part that was in my abdomen had a thick, dark, nasty clot of blood in there which definitely explains why it wasn't working. When she took out the suprapubic catheter it was so easy and didn't hurt! She cleaned me up from the crusted blood and goo. She gave me a hug and told me that she would see me at SCC in a few weeks. She also told me if I had any problems to be sure to call right away!
When I started walking out of the room I felt like a new man I didn't realize how much of my discomfort from walking had to do with that catheter.
As I was leaving the office I said bye to Janet because it was the last time I was going to see her before I flew back home.
Robin was taking me back to my room and she noticed how much easier it was for me to get in and out of the Car. She reminded me not to overdo it and to take it easy.
For a week post op I feel GREAT. If I really needed to I feel like I could return to work next mondy. I don't plan on doing that though because my body needs more time to fully heal. I won't lie... getting in and out of bed still triggers soreness along my incisions from my vaginectomy. Also sitting is not so comfortable. For short periods of time I don't need a cushion but for long periods of time I am too sore and tender.
Peeing induces some soreness if I wait too long.
Walking is getting easier but if I walk too fast the rubbing irritates my penis so I have to modify how I walk a little to walk comfortably.
I noticed this evening that some of the swelling around my penis is going down so it as extended some which makes me happy. It definitely verified for me what Dr. Bowers told me about how the initial swelling can cause some temporary retraction of the penis. I look forward to my penis extending further as the swelling subsides.
I can't believe how happy I am with everything. I knew I would be happier post op but I didn't know I would be this happy.
I fly home tomorrow. I am not looking forward to the long periods of sitting involved in my trip home but I am sure I will be fine. I have an inflatable cushion and a foam cushion so we shall see what happens.
That's all for now.
This morning when I woke up I went to urinate and I felt inspire to try peeing directly facing the toilet instead of "hovering".
I started out pretty slow and my bladder was so full I just had to stop. I tried again the next time I had to pee and I started off ok. What I did notice was that due to my penis being swollen along the shaft (especially the left side) my penis leans to the right so my stream was going more to the left. As I started to urinate it went into the toilet but as the stream got stronger it started going left which was a little messy. My penis is still too tender for me to completely hold it so I just leaned my pelvis forward as far as was comfortable since I still had the suprapubic Catheter.
Once the office was open I called Robin at Dr. Bowers' office to let her know that I was urinating without issue for the past 24 hours. She told me what time Dr. Bowers wanted me to come in.
Janet came to get me so that I could go see Dr. Bowers about getting the suprapubic catheter out.
Dr. Bowers came in to see me and I told her how it has been urinating. She once again assured me that as the swelling goes down the more forward my penis will be and the easier it will be for me to pee standing holding my penis.
Dr. Bowers cut the stitches that were holding the suprapubic catherter in place. When she took it out the part that was in my abdomen had a thick, dark, nasty clot of blood in there which definitely explains why it wasn't working. When she took out the suprapubic catheter it was so easy and didn't hurt! She cleaned me up from the crusted blood and goo. She gave me a hug and told me that she would see me at SCC in a few weeks. She also told me if I had any problems to be sure to call right away!
When I started walking out of the room I felt like a new man I didn't realize how much of my discomfort from walking had to do with that catheter.
As I was leaving the office I said bye to Janet because it was the last time I was going to see her before I flew back home.
Robin was taking me back to my room and she noticed how much easier it was for me to get in and out of the Car. She reminded me not to overdo it and to take it easy.
For a week post op I feel GREAT. If I really needed to I feel like I could return to work next mondy. I don't plan on doing that though because my body needs more time to fully heal. I won't lie... getting in and out of bed still triggers soreness along my incisions from my vaginectomy. Also sitting is not so comfortable. For short periods of time I don't need a cushion but for long periods of time I am too sore and tender.
Peeing induces some soreness if I wait too long.
Walking is getting easier but if I walk too fast the rubbing irritates my penis so I have to modify how I walk a little to walk comfortably.
I noticed this evening that some of the swelling around my penis is going down so it as extended some which makes me happy. It definitely verified for me what Dr. Bowers told me about how the initial swelling can cause some temporary retraction of the penis. I look forward to my penis extending further as the swelling subsides.
I can't believe how happy I am with everything. I knew I would be happier post op but I didn't know I would be this happy.
I fly home tomorrow. I am not looking forward to the long periods of sitting involved in my trip home but I am sure I will be fine. I have an inflatable cushion and a foam cushion so we shall see what happens.
That's all for now.
Monday, August 23, 2010
I can do it when I put my mind to it!
I am doing a happy dance because I work full time, run my own trans clinic, am married, a Father, I play sports on the weekends, had someone cut into my penis during finals and I still got an A in my economics class!
The sky isn't the limit... the universe is my playground!
The sky isn't the limit... the universe is my playground!
Day 6- Post-op Meta, August 23rd, 2010
From early in the morning I knew today was going to be a good day.
Around 1 AM I went to the bathroom and had a BM. I felt amazing after that! I took a quick shower then was off to bed.
My wife and I woke up around 7:30AM. Though we didn't have to be anywhere til 12noon we were up. We went to get breakfast. I was walking a little stronger and felt a little better thanks to that 1AM BM.
We took our breakfast back to our room and had a nice family meal. I had another BM after breakfast SCORE!
Robin came around 11:45Am to get us for my 12noon appointment with Dr. Bowers. When we arrived to Dr.Bowers' office there was one woman who we went to dinner with he other day who wa coming in for her last post-op visit before she flew home. We also so another patient who was preparing for surgery tomorrow and the woman who I met online prior to surgery who had surgery the same day as me. It was interesting to see the different people.
Robin gave me the OR report that I needed to get my birth certificate sealed in my birth state. I was happy about that. I was then escorted to an exam room to wait for Dr. Bowers.
Dr. Bowers came in and we spoke a little about how I was feeling. She saw that the urine in my catheter bag was neon Orange which it is supposed to be due to the bladder medication I was taking.
She had me sit on the table with my legs spread. I did it without feeling any discomfort because I knew there was no vaginal opening there to trigger my dysphoria.
She checked the base of my penis to see if the Foley caused me to pop any stitches which I know guys have had issues with in the past. Luckily things were on the up and up.
She said that she would like to take out the foley today and see if I could urinate through my penis. We discussed this because there were different pros and cons to taking out the foley this soon. I felt good that she made it a discussion to take my feelings and concerns into consideration before a decision was made. Due to how my body heals and how things have been feeling I felt it would be fine to take it out sooner rather than later.
She took it out and I felt so much better instantly to not have that in my penis. My penis was still swollen, tender and really sensitive. The room had a hand mirror for post op patients to check out their new genitals. I looked at how things looked without the Catheter there. It looked amazing. I was very happy though things were swollen, draining and still a little scary looking which I expected from having seen other guys post op genials.
Dr. Bowers told me she was going to leave the suprapubic catheter in just until she was sure that I could be 100% through my new penis. She told me to drink lots of water so that 1)My urine won't be as acidic and 2) so that my new urethra gets a good work out before I leave.
I am also to try and urinate at least once every hour. If I am able to successfully urinate through my penis then tomorrow I will go back and get the suprapubic removed. Even though the suprapubic wasn't working since day 3 in emergency cases it is best to have that than foley.
She had me get dressed which was far easier with the foley gone. Walking was also a little bette. Though my catheter bag was full when she removed the foley I still felt like I had to pee. This was my first test. I went to the bathroom and tried to hold my penis so pee standing but it was too sensitive and sore. I decided to "hover" facing the toilet for now til some more swelling and tenderness was gone. I almost peed on the back on the toilet because of how much of a strong steady stream I had. I was happy about that. I let Robin know the first attempt was good since Dr. Bowers was heading to see another patient.
Janet came out to take us back to our room. On the way back we stopped to see Carol who runs "The morning after house" for Dr. Bowers patients to stay at if they choose. My wife and I met Carol a few years back while she and Dr. Bowers were still romantically involved. It was nice to see her.
Janet then took us to our room at which point I felt the urge to pee. I did the hover thing again which worked fine but again I had a strong stream and the urine was definitely coming out the tip of my penis. Another BM which made me feel even better. I decided to take a shower just to feel extra fresh. While I was in the shower again I felt the urge to pee so I did this time trying to aim. My aim was a little off so I need to work on that. Since then I have been hovering and trying to aim my pelvis since my penis is too tender to aim.
Everytime I go to pee it is easier and feels more natural to me. I am very happy that my urethra seems to be working without issue.
I am definitely on cloud 9. Everything already looks pretty good but I know once the swelling goes down things will look even better.
Around 1 AM I went to the bathroom and had a BM. I felt amazing after that! I took a quick shower then was off to bed.
My wife and I woke up around 7:30AM. Though we didn't have to be anywhere til 12noon we were up. We went to get breakfast. I was walking a little stronger and felt a little better thanks to that 1AM BM.
We took our breakfast back to our room and had a nice family meal. I had another BM after breakfast SCORE!
Robin came around 11:45Am to get us for my 12noon appointment with Dr. Bowers. When we arrived to Dr.Bowers' office there was one woman who we went to dinner with he other day who wa coming in for her last post-op visit before she flew home. We also so another patient who was preparing for surgery tomorrow and the woman who I met online prior to surgery who had surgery the same day as me. It was interesting to see the different people.
Robin gave me the OR report that I needed to get my birth certificate sealed in my birth state. I was happy about that. I was then escorted to an exam room to wait for Dr. Bowers.
Dr. Bowers came in and we spoke a little about how I was feeling. She saw that the urine in my catheter bag was neon Orange which it is supposed to be due to the bladder medication I was taking.
She had me sit on the table with my legs spread. I did it without feeling any discomfort because I knew there was no vaginal opening there to trigger my dysphoria.
She checked the base of my penis to see if the Foley caused me to pop any stitches which I know guys have had issues with in the past. Luckily things were on the up and up.
She said that she would like to take out the foley today and see if I could urinate through my penis. We discussed this because there were different pros and cons to taking out the foley this soon. I felt good that she made it a discussion to take my feelings and concerns into consideration before a decision was made. Due to how my body heals and how things have been feeling I felt it would be fine to take it out sooner rather than later.
She took it out and I felt so much better instantly to not have that in my penis. My penis was still swollen, tender and really sensitive. The room had a hand mirror for post op patients to check out their new genitals. I looked at how things looked without the Catheter there. It looked amazing. I was very happy though things were swollen, draining and still a little scary looking which I expected from having seen other guys post op genials.
Dr. Bowers told me she was going to leave the suprapubic catheter in just until she was sure that I could be 100% through my new penis. She told me to drink lots of water so that 1)My urine won't be as acidic and 2) so that my new urethra gets a good work out before I leave.
I am also to try and urinate at least once every hour. If I am able to successfully urinate through my penis then tomorrow I will go back and get the suprapubic removed. Even though the suprapubic wasn't working since day 3 in emergency cases it is best to have that than foley.
She had me get dressed which was far easier with the foley gone. Walking was also a little bette. Though my catheter bag was full when she removed the foley I still felt like I had to pee. This was my first test. I went to the bathroom and tried to hold my penis so pee standing but it was too sensitive and sore. I decided to "hover" facing the toilet for now til some more swelling and tenderness was gone. I almost peed on the back on the toilet because of how much of a strong steady stream I had. I was happy about that. I let Robin know the first attempt was good since Dr. Bowers was heading to see another patient.
Janet came out to take us back to our room. On the way back we stopped to see Carol who runs "The morning after house" for Dr. Bowers patients to stay at if they choose. My wife and I met Carol a few years back while she and Dr. Bowers were still romantically involved. It was nice to see her.
Janet then took us to our room at which point I felt the urge to pee. I did the hover thing again which worked fine but again I had a strong stream and the urine was definitely coming out the tip of my penis. Another BM which made me feel even better. I decided to take a shower just to feel extra fresh. While I was in the shower again I felt the urge to pee so I did this time trying to aim. My aim was a little off so I need to work on that. Since then I have been hovering and trying to aim my pelvis since my penis is too tender to aim.
Everytime I go to pee it is easier and feels more natural to me. I am very happy that my urethra seems to be working without issue.
I am definitely on cloud 9. Everything already looks pretty good but I know once the swelling goes down things will look even better.
Day 5- Post-Op Meta
Day 5 was very uneventful.
We slept in today. It was the first day since surgery that we were all able to sleep right past breakfast. If it wasn't for the cleaning woman coming to check if we needed towels we probably would have slept a few more hours.
Even though we missed the hotel breakfast we were okay. We had cereal and soy milk as well as fruits so we were able to have a nice little family breakfast in our room. I guess as much as can be expected.
Today I felt the same in terms of soreness and stuff. I am on pain meds every 8 hours though if I had some motrin or extra strength tylenol that would really suffice.
Walking is getting easier. Laying down is still best. Sitting is a hit or miss when it comes to comfort. I spent most of the day in the bed resting but then I had to stretch. When I got up I was achey because I was in the same position too long. Once I get home it will be easier because I will have different furniture options that I think will be more appropriate for me comfort wise.
I didn't have a bowel Movement today so I felt a little more discomfort because of that. Going from being pretty "regular" to no BM for days on end takes some adjustment. Hopefully I get back to being regular soon! I know that will help with my overall feeling of normalcy.
I also spend part of the day trying to get my gifts picked out for Robin, Janet and Dr. Bowers. I know what I want for each of them but they probably won't get it til after I left. I was looking forward to them getting it before I leave. Maybe I can still swing it! We shall see. They have all been amazing. Completely above and beyond what I expected which is why a "Thank You" gift is warranted.
Tomorrow is my appointment with Dr. Bowers. I am excited because hopefully things go well and I can get this Catheter out soon! I am looking forward to also seeing my penis "unleashed". Things have literally been under wraps since surgery. Though some of the wrapping has come off the full effect isn't there yet between the Cather and the extra stitch to hold my penis in position for proper healing.
I look forward to blogging great things tomorrow!
We slept in today. It was the first day since surgery that we were all able to sleep right past breakfast. If it wasn't for the cleaning woman coming to check if we needed towels we probably would have slept a few more hours.
Even though we missed the hotel breakfast we were okay. We had cereal and soy milk as well as fruits so we were able to have a nice little family breakfast in our room. I guess as much as can be expected.
Today I felt the same in terms of soreness and stuff. I am on pain meds every 8 hours though if I had some motrin or extra strength tylenol that would really suffice.
Walking is getting easier. Laying down is still best. Sitting is a hit or miss when it comes to comfort. I spent most of the day in the bed resting but then I had to stretch. When I got up I was achey because I was in the same position too long. Once I get home it will be easier because I will have different furniture options that I think will be more appropriate for me comfort wise.
I didn't have a bowel Movement today so I felt a little more discomfort because of that. Going from being pretty "regular" to no BM for days on end takes some adjustment. Hopefully I get back to being regular soon! I know that will help with my overall feeling of normalcy.
I also spend part of the day trying to get my gifts picked out for Robin, Janet and Dr. Bowers. I know what I want for each of them but they probably won't get it til after I left. I was looking forward to them getting it before I leave. Maybe I can still swing it! We shall see. They have all been amazing. Completely above and beyond what I expected which is why a "Thank You" gift is warranted.
Tomorrow is my appointment with Dr. Bowers. I am excited because hopefully things go well and I can get this Catheter out soon! I am looking forward to also seeing my penis "unleashed". Things have literally been under wraps since surgery. Though some of the wrapping has come off the full effect isn't there yet between the Cather and the extra stitch to hold my penis in position for proper healing.
I look forward to blogging great things tomorrow!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Day 4- Post Op- Meta, August 21st, 2010 - Part II
I rested some more once I was in the room again. We decided to rest which resulted in a "family nap".
It felt good for all of us to just get some nice solid rest!
After the nap we were watching Television and the room phone rang. It was the woman from the Trinidad support group inviting us out for dinner. She was at the Morning After house for Dr. Bowers patients. We didn't stay there because it was full but she decided to stay there for the rest of her time here. She said that she met some other amazing folks and they would come get us since they know we don't drive.
We made the plans and a few hours later we were getting picked up for dinner which was awesome.
It was great because we were starting to get sick of the hotel room.
My wife took it as an opportunity to wear something nice. I wore pajama pants and a T shirt. My wife ironed them and since they matched I looked half way decent.
We had a good time. There was the woman who had surgery the same day as me as well as 3 other ladies. One had her mother with her and another was an 18 year old girl who had her father with her.
The girl who was 18 I remembered seeing her at the hospital walking around in pain but I didn't pay to much attention since I was focusing on my own surgery that day and waiting to be called in. She and her father remembered us because they remembered talking about how cute my daughter was.
We all talked about where we were from, what we do and things of that nature. It was a good time.
Right before our food came Dr. Bowers walked into the Restaurant with her son. We were near the front o we saw her while she was waiting and she waved hello to us. She came over to me and asked me personally if I was okay after everything that happened yesterday with my Catheter. I told her I was fine, she seemed really concerned and I smiled letting her know that I really was okay. She said well if I am fine then she is fine. Her table was ready so she told us to have a good time and she was seated.
The woman who had surgery same day as me and I were the "freshest" ones so we both started to stir from sitting so long. The other women were just about to leave town and no longer had Catheters. They had healed enough that sitting wasn't as much of an issue. It was funny being the only guy at the table that had surgery but we all had this weird unspoken bond that allowed us to connect like we were old friends. We exchanged contact information and planned to keep in touch since we had some common interest. One of the women only lives about an hour away from me so we may run into each other again.
It was great to get out and have good food, good fun and good conversation.
I was feeling so great I forgot to take my pain medicine. I am to take the percocet every 3-4 hours as needed but I have been taking it more like every 6-8 hours. I really don't need meds that strong anymore but that is all I have.
On Monday when we are out in the town I plan to get some Motrin or extra strength Tylenol since the percocet is just over kill. Even after sitting for almost 2 hours at dinner I still wasn't in much pain it was more just uncomforable.
I am happy that I am healing well and not needing pain medicine as much. That will definitely help alleviate some of the constipation and allow me to be more alert during the day.
It felt good for all of us to just get some nice solid rest!
After the nap we were watching Television and the room phone rang. It was the woman from the Trinidad support group inviting us out for dinner. She was at the Morning After house for Dr. Bowers patients. We didn't stay there because it was full but she decided to stay there for the rest of her time here. She said that she met some other amazing folks and they would come get us since they know we don't drive.
We made the plans and a few hours later we were getting picked up for dinner which was awesome.
It was great because we were starting to get sick of the hotel room.
My wife took it as an opportunity to wear something nice. I wore pajama pants and a T shirt. My wife ironed them and since they matched I looked half way decent.
We had a good time. There was the woman who had surgery the same day as me as well as 3 other ladies. One had her mother with her and another was an 18 year old girl who had her father with her.
The girl who was 18 I remembered seeing her at the hospital walking around in pain but I didn't pay to much attention since I was focusing on my own surgery that day and waiting to be called in. She and her father remembered us because they remembered talking about how cute my daughter was.
We all talked about where we were from, what we do and things of that nature. It was a good time.
Right before our food came Dr. Bowers walked into the Restaurant with her son. We were near the front o we saw her while she was waiting and she waved hello to us. She came over to me and asked me personally if I was okay after everything that happened yesterday with my Catheter. I told her I was fine, she seemed really concerned and I smiled letting her know that I really was okay. She said well if I am fine then she is fine. Her table was ready so she told us to have a good time and she was seated.
The woman who had surgery same day as me and I were the "freshest" ones so we both started to stir from sitting so long. The other women were just about to leave town and no longer had Catheters. They had healed enough that sitting wasn't as much of an issue. It was funny being the only guy at the table that had surgery but we all had this weird unspoken bond that allowed us to connect like we were old friends. We exchanged contact information and planned to keep in touch since we had some common interest. One of the women only lives about an hour away from me so we may run into each other again.
It was great to get out and have good food, good fun and good conversation.
I was feeling so great I forgot to take my pain medicine. I am to take the percocet every 3-4 hours as needed but I have been taking it more like every 6-8 hours. I really don't need meds that strong anymore but that is all I have.
On Monday when we are out in the town I plan to get some Motrin or extra strength Tylenol since the percocet is just over kill. Even after sitting for almost 2 hours at dinner I still wasn't in much pain it was more just uncomforable.
I am happy that I am healing well and not needing pain medicine as much. That will definitely help alleviate some of the constipation and allow me to be more alert during the day.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Day 4- Post Op- Meta, August 21st, 2010 - Part I
I know the day isn't over yet but I figured I would blog early and if anythign add a part II.
I woke up this morning feeling good. I checked my catheter and my urine was kind of orange. I didn't freak out because the antibiotic for my bladder (phenazopyrid Aka pyridium) makes your urine and sometimes stool change color. I have been drinking lots of water so in general I feel more hydrated and alert. The suprapubic cath is just there. Not causing any issues.
I still felt like I ad to poop. I took the milk of magnesia drank a bottle of water and walked around the room. I then sat on the toilet in the most comfortable position possible and took deep breaths. After a few minutes a big stool came out then things started moving. The big one didn't cause pain which I was expecting but it caused pressure. I was making all sorts of grunting noises and yelling Amen at how good it felt to have the relief! I sat there for a few more minutes allowing the rest to come out. I then decided to take a shower just to feel extra fresh.
After that shower I felt great and was up for a walk. My wife, daughter and I went for a walk around the motel property. We took some pictures then went to the business/ guest center for the hotel while they cleaned our room. The weather is beautiful today. Not too humid but warm and nice.
While we were walking I got a call from Dr. Bowers' personal cell checking on me. I was expecting Robin or Janet to Check on me today but it was nice that Dr. Bowers herself checked on me. She apologized that I ended up with the foley but was also optimistic and reassuring. She told me to make sure to continue with my meds as instructed and she would see me monday. She told me any problems to call her cell immediately and/or call Robin. That made me feel really good that she was there in case of emergency.
I continued my walk feeling good. I didn't want to over do it so we decided to go back to the room. I took my meds as scheduled then took a nice nap.
Today is a good day so far. I feel stronger with each day and the aching and soreness get a little better each day. Sitting and getting in and out of bed are the most uncomfortable still be both are getting easier.
I woke up this morning feeling good. I checked my catheter and my urine was kind of orange. I didn't freak out because the antibiotic for my bladder (phenazopyrid Aka pyridium) makes your urine and sometimes stool change color. I have been drinking lots of water so in general I feel more hydrated and alert. The suprapubic cath is just there. Not causing any issues.
I still felt like I ad to poop. I took the milk of magnesia drank a bottle of water and walked around the room. I then sat on the toilet in the most comfortable position possible and took deep breaths. After a few minutes a big stool came out then things started moving. The big one didn't cause pain which I was expecting but it caused pressure. I was making all sorts of grunting noises and yelling Amen at how good it felt to have the relief! I sat there for a few more minutes allowing the rest to come out. I then decided to take a shower just to feel extra fresh.
After that shower I felt great and was up for a walk. My wife, daughter and I went for a walk around the motel property. We took some pictures then went to the business/ guest center for the hotel while they cleaned our room. The weather is beautiful today. Not too humid but warm and nice.
While we were walking I got a call from Dr. Bowers' personal cell checking on me. I was expecting Robin or Janet to Check on me today but it was nice that Dr. Bowers herself checked on me. She apologized that I ended up with the foley but was also optimistic and reassuring. She told me to make sure to continue with my meds as instructed and she would see me monday. She told me any problems to call her cell immediately and/or call Robin. That made me feel really good that she was there in case of emergency.
I continued my walk feeling good. I didn't want to over do it so we decided to go back to the room. I took my meds as scheduled then took a nice nap.
Today is a good day so far. I feel stronger with each day and the aching and soreness get a little better each day. Sitting and getting in and out of bed are the most uncomfortable still be both are getting easier.
Day 3- Post- op Meta- August 20th, 2010
Day 3 had it's ups and downs. I woke up feeling great.
Got breakfast, was emailing and feeling good. Due to the pain medicine I was in and out of sleep. I was draining well all day. My replacement business cell arrived at the front desk and I went and got it. All was going well.
I checked in with Robin and Got my appointment for what time I should see Dr. Bowers on Monday, August 23rd, 2010.
I emptied the bag for my suprapubic catheter and saw a giant clot but i expected that since I am a clotter and that had been happening since I had surgery. I went back to doing what I was doing. I then really started getting the sensation that I had to pee. I walked around and nothing. My bag was bone dry. I wasn't worried. Walked around some more then the pressure in my abdomen increased. I also had the sensation that I wanted to make a bowel movement which I hadn't done since the morning of surgery.
I sat on the toilet thinking that maybe the need to have a bowel movement was what was causing the pressure. I pushed a little and I began to pee but not through the suprapubic catheter... through my penis! It burned but I got excited then I worried because that wasn't supposed to be happening until monday. I called Robin and let her know what was going on. She assured me not to worry and said she would let Dr. Bowers know what was going on. My penis was working but it was also really swollen and tender so it bothered me to pee. I also didn't want to push too hard and mess things up.
Robin called back and told me some things I could try. One of which was trying to flush the clot out of my suprapubic catheter with the sterile saline I had from the hospital. I did 2 5 cc flushes (10 cc total) and nothing. The clot didn't move. Robin called me again and I told her about the pressure and the clot not moving. She said Dr. Bowers would call me shortly but if she didn't get through to call her since my phone has horrible reception in the Room.
Dr. Bowers called me and suggested 2 other things for me to try to get the urine flowing but nothing. She offered for me to either go to the ER and have them flush it for me or she could come but the ER would be faster and my insurance would cover it so I wasn't worried about the cost. I opted to go to the ER. She also told me based on what I was describing I might have a mild bladder infection so she would prescribe me something for that. She told me she would have Janet or Robin come pick me up and take me to the Hospital.
5 minutes later Robin called and said Janet would be there soon. 10 minutes later Janet knocked on the door. Janet dropped me off at the ER and told me that she would go get my prescription from safeway for the other antibiotic for my bladder.
I went to the ER window and got registered. Luckily I kept on my band so it was easy for them to find me in the system. I gave them a copy of my insurance card and ID. The woman walked me right into a room. A nurse came in and I explained what was going on. Shortly after the ER Attending came in. He said that they would try and flush my suprapubic catheter and see if that helps. The nurse came back and flushed the catheter. She pushed about 10 cc of sterile saline and then tried to pull it back out to get the outward flow restarted but nothing happened. All it did was add pressure. I still was not in pain at this point just a bad pressure like I was holding my urine too long. The nurse told the Doctor what was going on and he called Dr. Bowers. Though Dr. Bowers didnt want to stress my new urethra she decided that it would be best for them to just give me a standard foley so I could pee. The nurse came back with a standard foley. She sterilized my penis which tickled, hurt and felt nice (she was stimulating my penis!) all at once. She then lubed up the foley and stuck it in. It went in easy which I was told was a good thing that means my new urethra isn't blocked.
It burned like hell though. The urine started rushing out. Some splashed on the nurse. Also the sudden flow of pressure caused me to pass some gas as well which was NOT sexy. The nurse collected some of the urine which was cloudy so the chances of me having that bladder infection/ UTI was real. The nurse let the catheter bag fill up and left the room. The nurse and Doctor came back to see how I was doing. I was feeling better. They said that I could go and just follow up with the bladder meds and keep my appointment for monday. They didn't remove the suprapubic catheter. they just disconnected the tubing and the bag and put a stopper. The didn't want me to have a fresh would in my bladder so monday that will be addressed.
I went to the front to call Janet and she was there in 5 minutes. The whole ER trip took about an hour total so it wasn't too long or too bad. When Janet picked me up she had my new antibiotics in the car ready for me. She dropped me off at my room and I took some pain meds because the catheter was hurting a little. That was day 3!
Got breakfast, was emailing and feeling good. Due to the pain medicine I was in and out of sleep. I was draining well all day. My replacement business cell arrived at the front desk and I went and got it. All was going well.
I checked in with Robin and Got my appointment for what time I should see Dr. Bowers on Monday, August 23rd, 2010.
I emptied the bag for my suprapubic catheter and saw a giant clot but i expected that since I am a clotter and that had been happening since I had surgery. I went back to doing what I was doing. I then really started getting the sensation that I had to pee. I walked around and nothing. My bag was bone dry. I wasn't worried. Walked around some more then the pressure in my abdomen increased. I also had the sensation that I wanted to make a bowel movement which I hadn't done since the morning of surgery.
I sat on the toilet thinking that maybe the need to have a bowel movement was what was causing the pressure. I pushed a little and I began to pee but not through the suprapubic catheter... through my penis! It burned but I got excited then I worried because that wasn't supposed to be happening until monday. I called Robin and let her know what was going on. She assured me not to worry and said she would let Dr. Bowers know what was going on. My penis was working but it was also really swollen and tender so it bothered me to pee. I also didn't want to push too hard and mess things up.
Robin called back and told me some things I could try. One of which was trying to flush the clot out of my suprapubic catheter with the sterile saline I had from the hospital. I did 2 5 cc flushes (10 cc total) and nothing. The clot didn't move. Robin called me again and I told her about the pressure and the clot not moving. She said Dr. Bowers would call me shortly but if she didn't get through to call her since my phone has horrible reception in the Room.
Dr. Bowers called me and suggested 2 other things for me to try to get the urine flowing but nothing. She offered for me to either go to the ER and have them flush it for me or she could come but the ER would be faster and my insurance would cover it so I wasn't worried about the cost. I opted to go to the ER. She also told me based on what I was describing I might have a mild bladder infection so she would prescribe me something for that. She told me she would have Janet or Robin come pick me up and take me to the Hospital.
5 minutes later Robin called and said Janet would be there soon. 10 minutes later Janet knocked on the door. Janet dropped me off at the ER and told me that she would go get my prescription from safeway for the other antibiotic for my bladder.
I went to the ER window and got registered. Luckily I kept on my band so it was easy for them to find me in the system. I gave them a copy of my insurance card and ID. The woman walked me right into a room. A nurse came in and I explained what was going on. Shortly after the ER Attending came in. He said that they would try and flush my suprapubic catheter and see if that helps. The nurse came back and flushed the catheter. She pushed about 10 cc of sterile saline and then tried to pull it back out to get the outward flow restarted but nothing happened. All it did was add pressure. I still was not in pain at this point just a bad pressure like I was holding my urine too long. The nurse told the Doctor what was going on and he called Dr. Bowers. Though Dr. Bowers didnt want to stress my new urethra she decided that it would be best for them to just give me a standard foley so I could pee. The nurse came back with a standard foley. She sterilized my penis which tickled, hurt and felt nice (she was stimulating my penis!) all at once. She then lubed up the foley and stuck it in. It went in easy which I was told was a good thing that means my new urethra isn't blocked.
It burned like hell though. The urine started rushing out. Some splashed on the nurse. Also the sudden flow of pressure caused me to pass some gas as well which was NOT sexy. The nurse collected some of the urine which was cloudy so the chances of me having that bladder infection/ UTI was real. The nurse let the catheter bag fill up and left the room. The nurse and Doctor came back to see how I was doing. I was feeling better. They said that I could go and just follow up with the bladder meds and keep my appointment for monday. They didn't remove the suprapubic catheter. they just disconnected the tubing and the bag and put a stopper. The didn't want me to have a fresh would in my bladder so monday that will be addressed.
I went to the front to call Janet and she was there in 5 minutes. The whole ER trip took about an hour total so it wasn't too long or too bad. When Janet picked me up she had my new antibiotics in the car ready for me. She dropped me off at my room and I took some pain meds because the catheter was hurting a little. That was day 3!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Day 2- Post- op Meta- August 19th, 2010
This day has been full so far and it isn't over yet.
Early in the morning hours the night nurse was happy to see that I was draining better and mostly clear fluid. I was on best rest since just before noon so the laying down flat for over 12 hours did just the trick. It wasn't perfect but improving slowly but surely.
Around 7 AM the morning nurse came in to help me freshen up since I hadn't washed my face or brushed my teeth since 2 days prior (surgery day). She brought me a warm wash cloth that was wet and I washed my face. It felt amazing. I didn't think it would feel that good. It was just what my face needed. She passed me my bag of personal items I brought to the hospital and I was able to get my toothbrush and brush my teeth. That felt amazing as well.
At 8AM on the dot breakfast came. It was exactly what I ordered and it hit the spot.
I spoke to my wife and she was getting ready to head over to the hospital so see me.
My mom also called to check in on me which was nice. I answered a few texts and emails.
The woman of trans experience who had surgery the same day as me was walking around and stopped by to say high. We joked about how the day before she was on bed rest and I was free to roam and now I am on bed rest. Even though she looked great, felt great and was walking around for vaginoplasty she has to stay in the hospital at least 4 nights. She then planned to stay 2 nights at the morning after house for extra TLC. I explained to her how if everything is well I will be able to leave the hospital today and return to the hotel.
She went back to walking around. I watched TV and relaxed.
Around 10AM my wife arrived with Janet. Janet handed me an envelope and told me to open it. When I opened the envelope it was 3 identical notarized letters stating that I completed Sex Reassignment surgery with Dr. Bowers on August 17th, 2010. It had my social, DOB and name on it. Janet told me to make sure all the info was right and it was. My wife took pictures of me reading the letters.
Janet said her favorite part is seeing patients light up when they get that letter.
Even though I have changed pretty much all of my documents it was still nice to have that letter in my hand. I guess it was just the "official" seal on things.
Janet left us to go about her day.
My wife and daughter were making me laugh when Dr. Bowers came in just before 11AM.
She looked at my Catheter bag and saw the color was not exactly what she wanted my urine to be but close enough. She checked my abdomen to make sure it was looking okay. Also my labs looked good so there was no reason she said that I couldn't be discharged today. Dr. Bowers told me that I am to flush the foley once a day with 5 ccs of sterile saline. The nurse showed me the day before how to do it so I didn't have questions but my wife did so Dr. Bowers said she would have the flush it before I left today that way my wife could see. I was told though walking around was good to also be sure to get lots of rest between today and Monday, August 23rd, 2010. I am to check in with Robin tomorrrow, Friday, August 20th, 2010 at which point Robin will give me my appointment time for Monday, August 23rd, 2010.
Dr. Bowers stated that on Monday they would unwrap my penis so I would be able to get my first official look at it unwrapped and I will also make my first attempt at peeing through my new urethra. I was happy and shocked to hear that because it seems soon yet I really want to play with my new toy 8D
Dr. Bowers left saying that she would see me monday and if I needed anything between now and then my discharge orders would state how best to reach her.
The nurse came in shortly after to take out my IV. It was a few minutes before lunch time so the nurse told me after lunch she would help me get cleaned up and ready for discharge.
I ate lunch which was what I ordered exactly and delicious.
I felt like I wanted to make a bowel movement but it was just gas. The nurse said that it is okay that I have a window period to still make my bowel movement and that they weren't concerned.
She took me to the shower room (there are no showers in patient rooms just a toilet room and then a sink).
The nurse set everything up. She asked me if I wanted to wear one of my own pairs of underwear (I had a pair of boxers, briefs and boxer briefs in my bag of personal items because I didn't know which would be most comfortable when I was ready to leave.) I told her I would rather wear the "manties" she laughed and got me a clean pair of manties and a pad. She also got me a fresh gown, socks and some towels. She offered to help wash me but I declined. She asked if I wanted my wife to help me but I declined. I wanted to wash myself. She set up the string so that if I needed assistance I could pull it.
I took my shower making sure to not scrub or rub my suprapubic Catheter or foley. There was some crusted blood that washed away and that felt great!
I dried off put on a fresh pair of manties and a pad. I went back to my room and put on my shirt but left off my pants until the nurse could change the dressing around my suprapubic catheter. She did that since it was wet and flushed my foley so my wife could see. The foley was a little loose but still in so it was fine.
The nurse helped me into my clothes and everything. The whole process took almost 2 hours since I had to go slowly.
Robin was going to meet us at the Front to take us to the Hotel. The nurse gave me a pain pill for the road! I had my foam cushion and that helped me feel a little more comfortable while sitting. As the nurse wheeled me to the front everyone I saw along the way who I encountered between monday and now wished me luck and told me to take care. They were all really pleasant which made me feel good. Robin came to get us.
I had to fill my prescription for pain pills and antibiotics so on the way to the hotel Robin Dropped my wife off at safeway (they take my insurance so the meds would be free.)
Robin said since it would take a bit for the meds to be ready she will drop me at the hotel so I won't have to sit in the car since sitting isn't so fun.
At the hotel I took off my pants and was walking around in the manties and a T-shirt.
My wife and Robin came back around half hour later. Robin left and my wife was kind enough to get me some Milk of magnesia "cramp free" formula which is my best friend anytime I have to take pain meds after surgery. (It keeps me regular.)
I got my pillows set up and found my sweet spot. My wife made sure I had a gatorade to rehydrate me as well as ice water. I took my pain meds and my antibiotics. I am to take one pain pill every 3-4 hours as needed and one antibiotic pill 3 times a day (every 8 hours).
I took a brief nap and was feeling like I had to have a BM. When I went to the bathroom I realized the foley was not in my penis. I called Robin who got word to Dr. Bowers. I was asked some questions and based on my answers it seems my penis was ready to be free. I am to just insert the foley every morning between now and monday to flush my urethra. If tomorrow it gives me a problem I am to let them know ASAP so that they can formally insert it again to prevent closure if needed.
I think it will be fine.
My wife has been forcing me to each ice chips and drink lots of water so that I can stay hydrated and heal well.
That's all for now!
Early in the morning hours the night nurse was happy to see that I was draining better and mostly clear fluid. I was on best rest since just before noon so the laying down flat for over 12 hours did just the trick. It wasn't perfect but improving slowly but surely.
Around 7 AM the morning nurse came in to help me freshen up since I hadn't washed my face or brushed my teeth since 2 days prior (surgery day). She brought me a warm wash cloth that was wet and I washed my face. It felt amazing. I didn't think it would feel that good. It was just what my face needed. She passed me my bag of personal items I brought to the hospital and I was able to get my toothbrush and brush my teeth. That felt amazing as well.
At 8AM on the dot breakfast came. It was exactly what I ordered and it hit the spot.
I spoke to my wife and she was getting ready to head over to the hospital so see me.
My mom also called to check in on me which was nice. I answered a few texts and emails.
The woman of trans experience who had surgery the same day as me was walking around and stopped by to say high. We joked about how the day before she was on bed rest and I was free to roam and now I am on bed rest. Even though she looked great, felt great and was walking around for vaginoplasty she has to stay in the hospital at least 4 nights. She then planned to stay 2 nights at the morning after house for extra TLC. I explained to her how if everything is well I will be able to leave the hospital today and return to the hotel.
She went back to walking around. I watched TV and relaxed.
Around 10AM my wife arrived with Janet. Janet handed me an envelope and told me to open it. When I opened the envelope it was 3 identical notarized letters stating that I completed Sex Reassignment surgery with Dr. Bowers on August 17th, 2010. It had my social, DOB and name on it. Janet told me to make sure all the info was right and it was. My wife took pictures of me reading the letters.
Janet said her favorite part is seeing patients light up when they get that letter.
Even though I have changed pretty much all of my documents it was still nice to have that letter in my hand. I guess it was just the "official" seal on things.
Janet left us to go about her day.
My wife and daughter were making me laugh when Dr. Bowers came in just before 11AM.
She looked at my Catheter bag and saw the color was not exactly what she wanted my urine to be but close enough. She checked my abdomen to make sure it was looking okay. Also my labs looked good so there was no reason she said that I couldn't be discharged today. Dr. Bowers told me that I am to flush the foley once a day with 5 ccs of sterile saline. The nurse showed me the day before how to do it so I didn't have questions but my wife did so Dr. Bowers said she would have the flush it before I left today that way my wife could see. I was told though walking around was good to also be sure to get lots of rest between today and Monday, August 23rd, 2010. I am to check in with Robin tomorrrow, Friday, August 20th, 2010 at which point Robin will give me my appointment time for Monday, August 23rd, 2010.
Dr. Bowers stated that on Monday they would unwrap my penis so I would be able to get my first official look at it unwrapped and I will also make my first attempt at peeing through my new urethra. I was happy and shocked to hear that because it seems soon yet I really want to play with my new toy 8D
Dr. Bowers left saying that she would see me monday and if I needed anything between now and then my discharge orders would state how best to reach her.
The nurse came in shortly after to take out my IV. It was a few minutes before lunch time so the nurse told me after lunch she would help me get cleaned up and ready for discharge.
I ate lunch which was what I ordered exactly and delicious.
I felt like I wanted to make a bowel movement but it was just gas. The nurse said that it is okay that I have a window period to still make my bowel movement and that they weren't concerned.
She took me to the shower room (there are no showers in patient rooms just a toilet room and then a sink).
The nurse set everything up. She asked me if I wanted to wear one of my own pairs of underwear (I had a pair of boxers, briefs and boxer briefs in my bag of personal items because I didn't know which would be most comfortable when I was ready to leave.) I told her I would rather wear the "manties" she laughed and got me a clean pair of manties and a pad. She also got me a fresh gown, socks and some towels. She offered to help wash me but I declined. She asked if I wanted my wife to help me but I declined. I wanted to wash myself. She set up the string so that if I needed assistance I could pull it.
I took my shower making sure to not scrub or rub my suprapubic Catheter or foley. There was some crusted blood that washed away and that felt great!
I dried off put on a fresh pair of manties and a pad. I went back to my room and put on my shirt but left off my pants until the nurse could change the dressing around my suprapubic catheter. She did that since it was wet and flushed my foley so my wife could see. The foley was a little loose but still in so it was fine.
The nurse helped me into my clothes and everything. The whole process took almost 2 hours since I had to go slowly.
Robin was going to meet us at the Front to take us to the Hotel. The nurse gave me a pain pill for the road! I had my foam cushion and that helped me feel a little more comfortable while sitting. As the nurse wheeled me to the front everyone I saw along the way who I encountered between monday and now wished me luck and told me to take care. They were all really pleasant which made me feel good. Robin came to get us.
I had to fill my prescription for pain pills and antibiotics so on the way to the hotel Robin Dropped my wife off at safeway (they take my insurance so the meds would be free.)
Robin said since it would take a bit for the meds to be ready she will drop me at the hotel so I won't have to sit in the car since sitting isn't so fun.
At the hotel I took off my pants and was walking around in the manties and a T-shirt.
My wife and Robin came back around half hour later. Robin left and my wife was kind enough to get me some Milk of magnesia "cramp free" formula which is my best friend anytime I have to take pain meds after surgery. (It keeps me regular.)
I got my pillows set up and found my sweet spot. My wife made sure I had a gatorade to rehydrate me as well as ice water. I took my pain meds and my antibiotics. I am to take one pain pill every 3-4 hours as needed and one antibiotic pill 3 times a day (every 8 hours).
I took a brief nap and was feeling like I had to have a BM. When I went to the bathroom I realized the foley was not in my penis. I called Robin who got word to Dr. Bowers. I was asked some questions and based on my answers it seems my penis was ready to be free. I am to just insert the foley every morning between now and monday to flush my urethra. If tomorrow it gives me a problem I am to let them know ASAP so that they can formally insert it again to prevent closure if needed.
I think it will be fine.
My wife has been forcing me to each ice chips and drink lots of water so that I can stay hydrated and heal well.
That's all for now!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Day 1- Post Op Meta
Today was my first day post-op for meta. So far so good. It had it's ups and downs.
8AM on the dot I was brought breakfast but I looked at it funny because I didn't recall giving a breakfast order. (You have a menu for each meal and you can select what you want to eat from that list for each meal). The woman was nice enough to ask me what I wanted and 15 minutes later I got it. Breakfast was simple but good.
The morning nurse came by and asked if I needed my pain medicine but my stupid ass told her I was good for now.
I started to get a throbbing feeling, then a dull ache which started to get worse. I called for pain meds but by the time it came I was uncomfortable. I was supposed to start pain meds by mouth today. So she gave me a percocet which took a bit to kick in. She came back later to see how I was doing and the percocet had kicked in. She said since I was going to be "unpacked" and get a dressing change she would talk to the Doc and see if she could give me some morphine via IV so that it will work faster.
10:45AM- Nurse came to "unpack" me. I was confused as to what unpacking entailed to be exact up until this point. She had me get into a more "comfortable" position. Laying down with my knees bent up. She pulled down my disposable hospital manties. Then she had me spread my legs some more which was sore from the swelling and stitches. She then moved the pad that was there to catch the fluid. She got tweezers and told me she was going to "unpack" me and warned me it would hurt. I told her I was ready. It hurt like hell. She started pulling a long string of like guaze from my crotch that was covered in dried blood. It hurt like hell and every time she saw me tensed she would slow down and have me breath then she would continue. To be honest when she was done it was bitter sweet. I was happy she was done but then I had a small ache. She said that the packing was for where they closed up the vaginal opening. I asked her if it was a big hole. She said honestly with the packing moved you can't really see it because the hole is next to nothing. That gave me some piece She got a syringe with sterile liqiud and flushed my Foley catheter which was sticking out of my penis with a cap in it. It wasn't connected to anything only the suprapubic catheter was connected to the bag. I tried to take a picture of my junk but everything was swollen and my penis was wrapped and positioned downward to keep it from retracting. I was happy to because it looked "fat" from what I could see. I wasn't sure if it was the gauze or if I got good girth post op. Either way it felt real.
Right after she was done my wife and daughter came to visit. My wife brought my laptop so that when she left I could blog and check emails a lot easier.
The nurse helped me into a chair so that my bed could get changed and so I could change position. I was given a pillow to sit on and that helped but not a lot. I decided I would rather stand. I check on the woman I knew also here for surgery. She was next door so I stepped out of the room to go say hello to her and her partner. She was laying down. She is not allowed up for 48 hours after surgery and she said that she has ice on her new vagina. I joked about how I wish I had ice for my penis. She also said how she wasn't allowed to eat anything until this morning. I felt a little fatigued so I decided to go back to my room. Instead of getting back into the chair I decided to get back into bed.
11:45Am- Dr. Bowers came to see me. She said that surgery went well and when it was all done I had a lot more girth than she expected me to get so she knows I will be happy about that. She said I was also able to get good length too but the girth is what really took her by surprise with me. I was happy about that. She checked my catheter and saw that I was draining some blood still in addition to my urine. She said that was normal but to be on the safe side she was going to have them double my IV fluids so that I stayed hydrated. She also wanted me to remain in bed for the rest of the day and I could walk around the next day. That was fine by me because the bed was most comfortable for me.
My wife, daugther and I spent to the day laughing and watching TV. We all took naps.
6:30pm- Robin came to get my wife and daughter and drive them back to the hotel.
My mom called me shortly after that to check on me.
8:30pm- The nurse came to check my wounds. She had me pull down the manties. She removed the pad that was placed to catch the excess fluid/blood from the draining. It was practically dry with a few drops of blood which was a good sign. She flushed my Foley and there was no pain or leakage which is good because that means so far no stricture or sign of fistula which I am happy about. She made sure that I got a fresh pad. She didn't unwrap my penis though I was hoping she would so that I could get a good look.
She reminded me to stay ahead of the pain and said that she would be bringing me pain meds at around 10:30pm along with some crackers so I wouldn't get nausea.
She made sure I was in good position and comfortable. I passed a little gas and felt embarassed but she told me that was good. She said they clap for gas and do cartwheels for bowel movements. I haven't had any bowel movements yet but I feel tomorrow there might be one good one coming. So far so good. As long as I stay ahead of the pain I am in good position.
8AM on the dot I was brought breakfast but I looked at it funny because I didn't recall giving a breakfast order. (You have a menu for each meal and you can select what you want to eat from that list for each meal). The woman was nice enough to ask me what I wanted and 15 minutes later I got it. Breakfast was simple but good.
The morning nurse came by and asked if I needed my pain medicine but my stupid ass told her I was good for now.
I started to get a throbbing feeling, then a dull ache which started to get worse. I called for pain meds but by the time it came I was uncomfortable. I was supposed to start pain meds by mouth today. So she gave me a percocet which took a bit to kick in. She came back later to see how I was doing and the percocet had kicked in. She said since I was going to be "unpacked" and get a dressing change she would talk to the Doc and see if she could give me some morphine via IV so that it will work faster.
10:45AM- Nurse came to "unpack" me. I was confused as to what unpacking entailed to be exact up until this point. She had me get into a more "comfortable" position. Laying down with my knees bent up. She pulled down my disposable hospital manties. Then she had me spread my legs some more which was sore from the swelling and stitches. She then moved the pad that was there to catch the fluid. She got tweezers and told me she was going to "unpack" me and warned me it would hurt. I told her I was ready. It hurt like hell. She started pulling a long string of like guaze from my crotch that was covered in dried blood. It hurt like hell and every time she saw me tensed she would slow down and have me breath then she would continue. To be honest when she was done it was bitter sweet. I was happy she was done but then I had a small ache. She said that the packing was for where they closed up the vaginal opening. I asked her if it was a big hole. She said honestly with the packing moved you can't really see it because the hole is next to nothing. That gave me some piece She got a syringe with sterile liqiud and flushed my Foley catheter which was sticking out of my penis with a cap in it. It wasn't connected to anything only the suprapubic catheter was connected to the bag. I tried to take a picture of my junk but everything was swollen and my penis was wrapped and positioned downward to keep it from retracting. I was happy to because it looked "fat" from what I could see. I wasn't sure if it was the gauze or if I got good girth post op. Either way it felt real.
Right after she was done my wife and daughter came to visit. My wife brought my laptop so that when she left I could blog and check emails a lot easier.
The nurse helped me into a chair so that my bed could get changed and so I could change position. I was given a pillow to sit on and that helped but not a lot. I decided I would rather stand. I check on the woman I knew also here for surgery. She was next door so I stepped out of the room to go say hello to her and her partner. She was laying down. She is not allowed up for 48 hours after surgery and she said that she has ice on her new vagina. I joked about how I wish I had ice for my penis. She also said how she wasn't allowed to eat anything until this morning. I felt a little fatigued so I decided to go back to my room. Instead of getting back into the chair I decided to get back into bed.
11:45Am- Dr. Bowers came to see me. She said that surgery went well and when it was all done I had a lot more girth than she expected me to get so she knows I will be happy about that. She said I was also able to get good length too but the girth is what really took her by surprise with me. I was happy about that. She checked my catheter and saw that I was draining some blood still in addition to my urine. She said that was normal but to be on the safe side she was going to have them double my IV fluids so that I stayed hydrated. She also wanted me to remain in bed for the rest of the day and I could walk around the next day. That was fine by me because the bed was most comfortable for me.
My wife, daugther and I spent to the day laughing and watching TV. We all took naps.
6:30pm- Robin came to get my wife and daughter and drive them back to the hotel.
My mom called me shortly after that to check on me.
8:30pm- The nurse came to check my wounds. She had me pull down the manties. She removed the pad that was placed to catch the excess fluid/blood from the draining. It was practically dry with a few drops of blood which was a good sign. She flushed my Foley and there was no pain or leakage which is good because that means so far no stricture or sign of fistula which I am happy about. She made sure that I got a fresh pad. She didn't unwrap my penis though I was hoping she would so that I could get a good look.
She reminded me to stay ahead of the pain and said that she would be bringing me pain meds at around 10:30pm along with some crackers so I wouldn't get nausea.
She made sure I was in good position and comfortable. I passed a little gas and felt embarassed but she told me that was good. She said they clap for gas and do cartwheels for bowel movements. I haven't had any bowel movements yet but I feel tomorrow there might be one good one coming. So far so good. As long as I stay ahead of the pain I am in good position.
Surgery Day recap- August 17th, 2010
9:20AM- Janet Came by the hotel to take us to the Hospital.
9:35AM- Signed in at Admitting area
9:40AM- Woman from admitting that I saw the day before pulled out my pre-admission paperwork. She gave me a wrist band. She called someone for my room number then escorted me to my hospital room. I was told a nurse would be in shortly
10AM- Nurse came in and took my medical history, asked about allergies, did vitals. Gave me a new wrist band which looked identical to the one I already had but she told me the bar code was different. I was no longer pending inpatient status but I was now considered Inpatient which is why the wrist band changed. She also brought me the allergy wrist band and had me change into a gown.
I had my own room so my wife and daughter were able to wait in my room with me.
We started to watch a little TV.
11:05Am- Another nurse came to get me with a wheelchair and a heated blanket since I was going to an area that was cold. The heated blanket was really nice!
11:10AM- Nurse triple checked I was the right patient, asked about allergies and medical history. She explained to me what kind of dressing I will wake up with on my genitals. My penis would be wrapped with non-stick gauze and covered with 4x4 non-stick padding. Then the Small dimple from the particial Vaginectomy would be packed with guaze to catch the excess blood. I was told I would also be put into special disposable undies that are really soft and like boxer briefs. My IV was also started at this time.
11:30Am- My wife and daughter were brought over to the area I was in so that they could wait with me til I went in the OR. That was really nice.
11:35AM- I was given anti-nausea meds and antibiotic in my IV
12:20PM- Anesthesiologist came to speak to me
12:25pm- I was taken into the OR.
12:35pm- I remember being told just to relax then I was out!
4:45pm- My wife was told that I was out of surgery and in the recovery room
5:00pm- I was back in my room and I was starting to wake up while my wife took incriminating pictures of me!
I had oxygen on for the first few hours after surgery due to me just coming out of surgery and the high altitude of colorado.
I was in and out of it for the rest of the night. I remembered asking the nurse who was taking me to the room how did it go and she said it went really well then I fell asleep. I remember my wife kissing me good night and then I asked to give my daughter a kiss which I did. I was coherent around 8pm and I called my Mom, Brothers and closest friends so that they could hear my voice to know I was awake and doing well although my wife already sent everyone a text when I came out of surgery.
I was hungry when I woke up so I was given a tray of light fluids and a popsicle. The popsicle hit the spot then I dosed off.
The night nurses were really nice and kept checking on me to see if I needed pain meds or anything.
It was far enough after surgery that I was able to get food. The nurse brought me a late dinner which I picked at for a couple hours while in and out of sleep.
At one point I mentioned my hand was hurting and sure enough my IV had slipped out of the vein but was still in my hand and was swelling. They took it out and gave me a new line. My urine output was dark since I hadn't been getting enough fluids. I was given pain meds. I was in and out all night. Occassionally updating facebook and checking emails out of boredom. They had some cuffs on my legs to prevent DVT and the nurse took that off which allowed me to move my legs more freely and get more comfortable. I eventually was out for the count.
That was surgery day!
9:35AM- Signed in at Admitting area
9:40AM- Woman from admitting that I saw the day before pulled out my pre-admission paperwork. She gave me a wrist band. She called someone for my room number then escorted me to my hospital room. I was told a nurse would be in shortly
10AM- Nurse came in and took my medical history, asked about allergies, did vitals. Gave me a new wrist band which looked identical to the one I already had but she told me the bar code was different. I was no longer pending inpatient status but I was now considered Inpatient which is why the wrist band changed. She also brought me the allergy wrist band and had me change into a gown.
I had my own room so my wife and daughter were able to wait in my room with me.
We started to watch a little TV.
11:05Am- Another nurse came to get me with a wheelchair and a heated blanket since I was going to an area that was cold. The heated blanket was really nice!
11:10AM- Nurse triple checked I was the right patient, asked about allergies and medical history. She explained to me what kind of dressing I will wake up with on my genitals. My penis would be wrapped with non-stick gauze and covered with 4x4 non-stick padding. Then the Small dimple from the particial Vaginectomy would be packed with guaze to catch the excess blood. I was told I would also be put into special disposable undies that are really soft and like boxer briefs. My IV was also started at this time.
11:30Am- My wife and daughter were brought over to the area I was in so that they could wait with me til I went in the OR. That was really nice.
11:35AM- I was given anti-nausea meds and antibiotic in my IV
12:20PM- Anesthesiologist came to speak to me
12:25pm- I was taken into the OR.
12:35pm- I remember being told just to relax then I was out!
4:45pm- My wife was told that I was out of surgery and in the recovery room
5:00pm- I was back in my room and I was starting to wake up while my wife took incriminating pictures of me!
I had oxygen on for the first few hours after surgery due to me just coming out of surgery and the high altitude of colorado.
I was in and out of it for the rest of the night. I remembered asking the nurse who was taking me to the room how did it go and she said it went really well then I fell asleep. I remember my wife kissing me good night and then I asked to give my daughter a kiss which I did. I was coherent around 8pm and I called my Mom, Brothers and closest friends so that they could hear my voice to know I was awake and doing well although my wife already sent everyone a text when I came out of surgery.
I was hungry when I woke up so I was given a tray of light fluids and a popsicle. The popsicle hit the spot then I dosed off.
The night nurses were really nice and kept checking on me to see if I needed pain meds or anything.
It was far enough after surgery that I was able to get food. The nurse brought me a late dinner which I picked at for a couple hours while in and out of sleep.
At one point I mentioned my hand was hurting and sure enough my IV had slipped out of the vein but was still in my hand and was swelling. They took it out and gave me a new line. My urine output was dark since I hadn't been getting enough fluids. I was given pain meds. I was in and out all night. Occassionally updating facebook and checking emails out of boredom. They had some cuffs on my legs to prevent DVT and the nurse took that off which allowed me to move my legs more freely and get more comfortable. I eventually was out for the count.
That was surgery day!
Now I'm post-op lower surgery
I am in my hospital room right now recovering. I will post soon about the whole surgery day experience.
Monday, August 16, 2010
My last day as a Pre-op man
Today was an interesting day.
Got up early because my body hasn't adjusted to the time zone change. Tried to go back to sleep but I was too wired and afraid I might oversleep and miss my appointment.
I had a decent breakfast at the hotel. I'm staying at the Best Western. I hear that for Patients of Dr. Bowers it is the next best thing to the morning after house. It has a Fridge and microwave in the room which helps cut down on food expenses and allows for keeping healthier foods handy.
My daughter was playing with my Blackberry which has now disappeared. I don't know if she threw it in the Garbage, lost it in the sheets, ate it or it got sucked into a black hole. Whereever it is I can't find it in this room. I'm going to check in the morning to see if it was found in the laundry but chances are she threw it away.
I was worried about it at first but to be honest I have more important things to worry about. Luckily it is insured and a business phone. Though it will suck to not have all those business numbers, I still have my iphone. I will get those numbers back one way or another. Plus I can have the phone here in 2 days.
After that very eventful morning Janet from Dr. Bowers' office came to get us so I could have my pre-op appointment.
I went to Dr. Bower's office first and met Robin (she is the coordinator for the office). Robin gave me some papers to take across to the hospital (one for anesthesia and some for admitting). Honestly the hospital is right across the parking lot so it wasn't very far.
When I went across to the Hospital I met with a woman from the Anesthesia department to make sure my medical history forms were still correct (I submitted them a few months back) and to discuss what will happen anesthesia wise tomorrow before and during surgery. She also told me to shave my genitals as much as possible and what I miss they will give a touch up on right before surgery.
I then went over to admitting and took a number. While I was waiting I ran into a patient of Dr. Bowers who I connected to online. She was having surgery tomorrow as well which is why we said we would try and find one another. We are also staying in the same hotel which is cool.
While we were talking she told me that since she is having vaginoplasty she isn't allowed to eat for the rest of the day (she was only allowed a light breakfast today) and she will have to take a bowel prep solution called "golytely" (pronounce GO LIGHTLY). We joked about the name of it and she told me how she envied me only for the fact that I didn't have to have a bowel prep and I could eat all day up until midnight. The only thing that I have to do is drink extra fluids mainly for 2 reasons. 1) It is good to be hydrated to promote healing 2) Colorado is in the mountains and the air is really dry in general plus it's summer!
My number was finally called and I went to see the woman in admitting. They took some of the papers Robin sent me over with. The woman in Admitting made copies of my insurance card and ID. She had the letter from my insurance saying they would be paying for my surgery which is why she needed copies of my ID and cards. We also did my Healthcare proxy and living will forms. (This made my wife a little uneasy and she got teary eyed because she doesn't like to think of something bad happening to me).
I reviewed all the info we went over in admitting and signed the forms. I was given a wristband just for today for my labs to be done.
Shortly after I left admitting I was called to do labs. The lab tech had the usual difficulties getting my blood as all people do, she eventually got it and I was done.
We went to the hospital cafetaria because I still had to go back and see Dr. Bowers. We were hungry and had time to kill. The cafeteria was small and simple. They didn't have as many food options as we city folk are used to but we found something that looked good and it was good.
We went over to Dr. Bowers office where I filled out more papers. Robin checked my blood presure, weight and asked me a few questions. I was then placed in a room to wait for Dr. Bowers. I had met her several times before but this was the first time I was seeing her for an entirely personal reason.
When she came in and saw it was me she gave me a big hug. She knows me more in a professional capacity because I started my own clinic and I had them fly her into NYC about a year ago for grand rounds. She is used to my Trans community advocacy name, which is why she didn't realize it was me by looking at the chart. We caught up a little then it was down to business.
She told me that she has done about 20 ring Metas so far. She said when she first started doing them she use to also use a suprapubic catheter but stopped for a while. After she stopped using them a few guys had complications so she is back to using them and since she has been using them again things have been good.
All that to say. I will have a suprapubic catheter. I'm not thrilled about it but I'd rather have that than have complications so it is what it is.
I then got undressed from the waist down and she looked at my goods to see what she had to work with. She said that I had good length. She was excited and made a joke about how it is interesting that her African American patients tend to have more to work with on average. That made me smile despite the fact she was between my legs.
She said the plan is for me to stay 2 nights in the hospital but some guys feel good enough to leave after the first night. She said we will see how I feel and go from there. She also told me that surgery is about 3.5 hours. I will be her second surgery of the day so I am to arrive around 9:30AM. Since I did all my admission stuff today tomorrow will basically consist of me arriving, registering, changing clothes, IV then out like a light! Wake up and BAM I'm swinging low! lol. I am really happy. I feel all sorts of stuff right now. I will admit I am a little nervous moreso because it doesn't feel real yet. I am sure when I wake up it will feel real.
I will try and post briefly tomorrow night but chances are the good stuff won't be posted until later in the week! Just a few more hours to go!
Got up early because my body hasn't adjusted to the time zone change. Tried to go back to sleep but I was too wired and afraid I might oversleep and miss my appointment.
I had a decent breakfast at the hotel. I'm staying at the Best Western. I hear that for Patients of Dr. Bowers it is the next best thing to the morning after house. It has a Fridge and microwave in the room which helps cut down on food expenses and allows for keeping healthier foods handy.
My daughter was playing with my Blackberry which has now disappeared. I don't know if she threw it in the Garbage, lost it in the sheets, ate it or it got sucked into a black hole. Whereever it is I can't find it in this room. I'm going to check in the morning to see if it was found in the laundry but chances are she threw it away.
I was worried about it at first but to be honest I have more important things to worry about. Luckily it is insured and a business phone. Though it will suck to not have all those business numbers, I still have my iphone. I will get those numbers back one way or another. Plus I can have the phone here in 2 days.
After that very eventful morning Janet from Dr. Bowers' office came to get us so I could have my pre-op appointment.
I went to Dr. Bower's office first and met Robin (she is the coordinator for the office). Robin gave me some papers to take across to the hospital (one for anesthesia and some for admitting). Honestly the hospital is right across the parking lot so it wasn't very far.
When I went across to the Hospital I met with a woman from the Anesthesia department to make sure my medical history forms were still correct (I submitted them a few months back) and to discuss what will happen anesthesia wise tomorrow before and during surgery. She also told me to shave my genitals as much as possible and what I miss they will give a touch up on right before surgery.
I then went over to admitting and took a number. While I was waiting I ran into a patient of Dr. Bowers who I connected to online. She was having surgery tomorrow as well which is why we said we would try and find one another. We are also staying in the same hotel which is cool.
While we were talking she told me that since she is having vaginoplasty she isn't allowed to eat for the rest of the day (she was only allowed a light breakfast today) and she will have to take a bowel prep solution called "golytely" (pronounce GO LIGHTLY). We joked about the name of it and she told me how she envied me only for the fact that I didn't have to have a bowel prep and I could eat all day up until midnight. The only thing that I have to do is drink extra fluids mainly for 2 reasons. 1) It is good to be hydrated to promote healing 2) Colorado is in the mountains and the air is really dry in general plus it's summer!
My number was finally called and I went to see the woman in admitting. They took some of the papers Robin sent me over with. The woman in Admitting made copies of my insurance card and ID. She had the letter from my insurance saying they would be paying for my surgery which is why she needed copies of my ID and cards. We also did my Healthcare proxy and living will forms. (This made my wife a little uneasy and she got teary eyed because she doesn't like to think of something bad happening to me).
I reviewed all the info we went over in admitting and signed the forms. I was given a wristband just for today for my labs to be done.
Shortly after I left admitting I was called to do labs. The lab tech had the usual difficulties getting my blood as all people do, she eventually got it and I was done.
We went to the hospital cafetaria because I still had to go back and see Dr. Bowers. We were hungry and had time to kill. The cafeteria was small and simple. They didn't have as many food options as we city folk are used to but we found something that looked good and it was good.
We went over to Dr. Bowers office where I filled out more papers. Robin checked my blood presure, weight and asked me a few questions. I was then placed in a room to wait for Dr. Bowers. I had met her several times before but this was the first time I was seeing her for an entirely personal reason.
When she came in and saw it was me she gave me a big hug. She knows me more in a professional capacity because I started my own clinic and I had them fly her into NYC about a year ago for grand rounds. She is used to my Trans community advocacy name, which is why she didn't realize it was me by looking at the chart. We caught up a little then it was down to business.
She told me that she has done about 20 ring Metas so far. She said when she first started doing them she use to also use a suprapubic catheter but stopped for a while. After she stopped using them a few guys had complications so she is back to using them and since she has been using them again things have been good.
All that to say. I will have a suprapubic catheter. I'm not thrilled about it but I'd rather have that than have complications so it is what it is.
I then got undressed from the waist down and she looked at my goods to see what she had to work with. She said that I had good length. She was excited and made a joke about how it is interesting that her African American patients tend to have more to work with on average. That made me smile despite the fact she was between my legs.
She said the plan is for me to stay 2 nights in the hospital but some guys feel good enough to leave after the first night. She said we will see how I feel and go from there. She also told me that surgery is about 3.5 hours. I will be her second surgery of the day so I am to arrive around 9:30AM. Since I did all my admission stuff today tomorrow will basically consist of me arriving, registering, changing clothes, IV then out like a light! Wake up and BAM I'm swinging low! lol. I am really happy. I feel all sorts of stuff right now. I will admit I am a little nervous moreso because it doesn't feel real yet. I am sure when I wake up it will feel real.
I will try and post briefly tomorrow night but chances are the good stuff won't be posted until later in the week! Just a few more hours to go!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I have arrived!
I'm sitting in my hotel room tired as hell.
It took me a cab ride, 2 planes and a 2 hour long drive to get here but we are finally here in Trinidad, CO.
Janet from Dr. Bowers office came to pick us up from the Airport and she was really sweet. It was nice to put a face to the woman who I have been talking to for months who helped me get here.
I say she helped me get here because she submits all the info and makes sure things are done correctly for insurance.
I have my pre-op surgery appointment tomorrow at 10AM MST (I think it's MST or is it MDT?). Either way it is 2 hours behind EST which is what I am used to.
It's time for me to go get some rest. More to come soon. From this point on there will be daily blogs for the most part again untl thing settle down so KEEP READING!
It took me a cab ride, 2 planes and a 2 hour long drive to get here but we are finally here in Trinidad, CO.
Janet from Dr. Bowers office came to pick us up from the Airport and she was really sweet. It was nice to put a face to the woman who I have been talking to for months who helped me get here.
I say she helped me get here because she submits all the info and makes sure things are done correctly for insurance.
I have my pre-op surgery appointment tomorrow at 10AM MST (I think it's MST or is it MDT?). Either way it is 2 hours behind EST which is what I am used to.
It's time for me to go get some rest. More to come soon. From this point on there will be daily blogs for the most part again untl thing settle down so KEEP READING!
Finally Packed!
Yes, that's right. I finally got packed and I am ready to go with 6 hours to go before having to head to the airport. My friend came and picked up my dog so that he could watch her for the time I'll be away.
Laundry ... CHECK!
Insurance cards...CHECK!
Snacks for the flight(s)...CHECK!
Money...CHECK!
Flight confirmation...CHECK!
Hotel Reservation number... CHECK!
I guess I'm ready to go. Time to grab a few hours of shut eye (not sufficient enough to call it sleep). Then head to the airport!
Laundry ... CHECK!
Insurance cards...CHECK!
Snacks for the flight(s)...CHECK!
Money...CHECK!
Flight confirmation...CHECK!
Hotel Reservation number... CHECK!
I guess I'm ready to go. Time to grab a few hours of shut eye (not sufficient enough to call it sleep). Then head to the airport!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Less than 24 hours til I leave
I am really procrastinating on this packing. I wish I could just hop on the plane without carrying anything. I know I will pack before it is too late. I have to be on the plane in 20 hours which means I have a solid 17 hours to pack. I only need 20 minutes to make sure I have everything. I don't need much since I am not going to be wearing pants for most of the time or even underwear for that matter. Just a few shirts and some flipflops and I am good to go.
I am spending time playing with my daughter right now because she is active and in 3 days I won't really be able to hold her (unless she is sleeping)since her favorite thing to do is jump in my lap which won't be too fun right after surgery.
My wife went to get some personal items and do her hair. lol. So it's me and the little silly relaxing and procrastinating on packing.
I am spending time playing with my daughter right now because she is active and in 3 days I won't really be able to hold her (unless she is sleeping)since her favorite thing to do is jump in my lap which won't be too fun right after surgery.
My wife went to get some personal items and do her hair. lol. So it's me and the little silly relaxing and procrastinating on packing.
Being married and lower surgery
I have to give my wife some TLC because I love and appreciate her. The next few weeks are going to really be stressful on her and I want her to feel appreciated and loved because she needs the support.
She has been with me through:
Top surgery
Knee surgery
Top surgery Revision
Hysto
and in 4 days lower surgery with me.
She is always there without wanting anything in return. She loves me unconditionally.
I know sometimes she feels I take her for granted but I know I am a very lucky man to have found such an amazing woman to call my own. I know many guys wish they had someone like her in their lives and I want to make sure I don't forget to show her how much I care.
I will shower her with lots of kisses, hold her close and let her know she is my special lady and I love her.
For those of you who are fortunate to have someone in your life to love and care for you in times of need be sure to let them know you appreciate them.
She has been with me through:
Top surgery
Knee surgery
Top surgery Revision
Hysto
and in 4 days lower surgery with me.
She is always there without wanting anything in return. She loves me unconditionally.
I know sometimes she feels I take her for granted but I know I am a very lucky man to have found such an amazing woman to call my own. I know many guys wish they had someone like her in their lives and I want to make sure I don't forget to show her how much I care.
I will shower her with lots of kisses, hold her close and let her know she is my special lady and I love her.
For those of you who are fortunate to have someone in your life to love and care for you in times of need be sure to let them know you appreciate them.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Packing/preparing for surgery
It might be a good idea for me to start packing at some point! 33 hours to go and I don't even have the bag out that I will be carrying my clothes in. Matter of fact my bag snagged on my last trip and I need a new one so maybe I should buy a bag so that I can pack?!
I have to do laundry tomorrow.
I have to make sure my dog gets to my friend who is watching her while we are away.
Then maybe I can pack?!!!
Somewhere in there sleep might be a possibility.
I have to do laundry tomorrow.
I have to make sure my dog gets to my friend who is watching her while we are away.
Then maybe I can pack?!!!
Somewhere in there sleep might be a possibility.
Friday, August 13th, 2010
I got a call today from Janet who works with Dr. Bowers. Janet is the woman who currently does all the insurance coordination/ prior Authoriztion stuff for Dr. Bowers. When I got the call my heart started racing because I was nervous something was wrong.
I was relieved when she told me that she was calling to give me her cell number because she will be the one picking us up at the airport and if there is any delay to let her know. Things are still a go for insurance.
Surgery in 4 days. It is starting to feel real!
I was relieved when she told me that she was calling to give me her cell number because she will be the one picking us up at the airport and if there is any delay to let her know. Things are still a go for insurance.
Surgery in 4 days. It is starting to feel real!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
4, 6 and some other stuff.
4 days until I leave for Trinidad, CO.
6 Days until surgery.
Post op guys who have had meta have been really good about helping me with preparing. (Thanks guys!) I am realizing that there are things that I saw on my list to get but overlooked because I thought they weren't important. One example of this would be Sanitary napkins (AkA Maxi pads). I find it very interesting that upon getting rid of that dreaded hole I will have to wear those things, WTF?!
It was explained to me that there is leaking and discharge from surgery so the pads help catch the junk that is leaking so that I don't mess up my underwear and/or furniture.
I thought this would make me feel weird or dysphoric but surprisingly I am pretty okay with it. My wife will be the one purchasing these things NOT ME lol, but other than that I am totally fine with the pad thing. To be honest I will probably be so high on pain meds that I won't even notice and even if I do notice I probably won't care.
In terms of other things on my list that I need to get I am pretty set. I am supposed to get antibiotic ointment/ neosporin which I have already here at home and I will get some the day before surgery. Anything else I need I plan to get in Colorado since there are stores where I can get stuff for cheap within 10 minutes of the hotel I will be staying at.
I have a friend who fractured her tail bone and her pelvis a few months back and needed an inflatable cushion. She said I could use hers. She actually had an inflatable cushion and a foam one and gave me both so I have options. They are light and will be easy to pack.
I guess I am starting to get kind of excited. I say kind of because it doesn't feel real that I am having lower surgery in 6 days. What does feel real is that Friday is my last day of work and that I am definitely celebrating. *Does a happy dance*
Some of my Co-workers are freaking out that I will be away. Word is starting to get around that I will be out for about a month. People have been asking me if everything is okay and I have just been saying very casually "Oh, I just need time to take care of something no big deal." For all they know it could be a medical thing for me, a family thing or something else entirely.
6 Days until surgery.
Post op guys who have had meta have been really good about helping me with preparing. (Thanks guys!) I am realizing that there are things that I saw on my list to get but overlooked because I thought they weren't important. One example of this would be Sanitary napkins (AkA Maxi pads). I find it very interesting that upon getting rid of that dreaded hole I will have to wear those things, WTF?!
It was explained to me that there is leaking and discharge from surgery so the pads help catch the junk that is leaking so that I don't mess up my underwear and/or furniture.
I thought this would make me feel weird or dysphoric but surprisingly I am pretty okay with it. My wife will be the one purchasing these things NOT ME lol, but other than that I am totally fine with the pad thing. To be honest I will probably be so high on pain meds that I won't even notice and even if I do notice I probably won't care.
In terms of other things on my list that I need to get I am pretty set. I am supposed to get antibiotic ointment/ neosporin which I have already here at home and I will get some the day before surgery. Anything else I need I plan to get in Colorado since there are stores where I can get stuff for cheap within 10 minutes of the hotel I will be staying at.
I have a friend who fractured her tail bone and her pelvis a few months back and needed an inflatable cushion. She said I could use hers. She actually had an inflatable cushion and a foam one and gave me both so I have options. They are light and will be easy to pack.
I guess I am starting to get kind of excited. I say kind of because it doesn't feel real that I am having lower surgery in 6 days. What does feel real is that Friday is my last day of work and that I am definitely celebrating. *Does a happy dance*
Some of my Co-workers are freaking out that I will be away. Word is starting to get around that I will be out for about a month. People have been asking me if everything is okay and I have just been saying very casually "Oh, I just need time to take care of something no big deal." For all they know it could be a medical thing for me, a family thing or something else entirely.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Almost there and more to do.
Next week this time I will be in Trinidad, Colorado. It is crazy how fast time is flying. It is good and starting to be a little ... WOW. Not a bad thing. I still need to pack. I have to make sure I have everything for my trip. I haven't started packing and I have a crazy week ahead so that is um something I need to be on top of! I also have to make sure I pack my trip confirmation, hotel confirmation and get everything together on my list of things for surgery. Speaking of that. I should go look at the list again. The only thing I remember is the inflatable cushion. Yikes!
2, 7,9
2 days until my birthday.
7 days until I leave for Colorado.
9 days until I have my metoidioplasty.
7 days until I leave for Colorado.
9 days until I have my metoidioplasty.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
How will I get around?!
I was going over the logistics of my trip to Trinidad, CO for bottom surgery. My wife and I are from a big city where you don't have to drive to get around so not only don't we have a car but neither us have a license.
I was thinking about it and realized Trinidad, CO is a small town so the chance of catching a cab is slim to none! I was starting to get nervous because I made arrangements to get to the hotel from the airport and get to the airport when time to leave but what about in between? Luckily Dr. Bowers' office makes arrangements regarding this for patients to get around during business if they can't or don't drive which is fine. I am very happy about this. I called Robin the office coordinator to confirm and I was happy to find out that I will be able to get a ride to and from my pre-op appointment the day before surgery. To the hospital the day of surgery. My wife will get a ride back to the hotel since I will have to stay in the hospital. They will bring my wife to come visit me and take us back to the hotel and all that good stuff. Also if we need to stop at the local store for snack, groceries and my prescriptions we will get a ride there too. I am very happy about this. Everything is really a 10 minute drive or less away. We were sure to get a nice hotel as close to the hospital as possible. That's all for now soon I will have more to post about surgery. I also plan to post more life stuff because this blog isn't just about my lower surgery journey. I blog mostly about lower surgery because it is the biggest thing on my mind right now.
I was thinking about it and realized Trinidad, CO is a small town so the chance of catching a cab is slim to none! I was starting to get nervous because I made arrangements to get to the hotel from the airport and get to the airport when time to leave but what about in between? Luckily Dr. Bowers' office makes arrangements regarding this for patients to get around during business if they can't or don't drive which is fine. I am very happy about this. I called Robin the office coordinator to confirm and I was happy to find out that I will be able to get a ride to and from my pre-op appointment the day before surgery. To the hospital the day of surgery. My wife will get a ride back to the hotel since I will have to stay in the hospital. They will bring my wife to come visit me and take us back to the hotel and all that good stuff. Also if we need to stop at the local store for snack, groceries and my prescriptions we will get a ride there too. I am very happy about this. Everything is really a 10 minute drive or less away. We were sure to get a nice hotel as close to the hospital as possible. That's all for now soon I will have more to post about surgery. I also plan to post more life stuff because this blog isn't just about my lower surgery journey. I blog mostly about lower surgery because it is the biggest thing on my mind right now.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
2 more weeks til I leave and some more stuff!
Exactly 2 weeks from now I will be in a hotel in Trinidad, Colorado counting down. I have 16 more days until the actual surgery but I am flying into town two days earlier.
This is the first time I am really mentioning where I am going for surgery. I don't usually like to show all my cards but I plan to reveal stuff from now on slowly but surely so that people can be clear on things and eventually this can be used to help other guys to come after me.
I will be having the Ring Metoidioplasty with Dr. Marci Bowers. I am very excited about this. I'm happy with my decision. I will be honest my dream penis would be 8 inches of greatness. I considered Phalloplasty BUT after I weighed all my options and looked at things in the short term and long term I decicded to have Metoidioplasty. I will still have the option of having a phallo in the future if I still feel that I need it. I also have the options of utilizing medical advances around the use of regenerative cells and/or strattice.
I am getting it covered by insurance which means surgery for me sooner rather than later which definitely went into my decision.
This is the first time I am really mentioning where I am going for surgery. I don't usually like to show all my cards but I plan to reveal stuff from now on slowly but surely so that people can be clear on things and eventually this can be used to help other guys to come after me.
I will be having the Ring Metoidioplasty with Dr. Marci Bowers. I am very excited about this. I'm happy with my decision. I will be honest my dream penis would be 8 inches of greatness. I considered Phalloplasty BUT after I weighed all my options and looked at things in the short term and long term I decicded to have Metoidioplasty. I will still have the option of having a phallo in the future if I still feel that I need it. I also have the options of utilizing medical advances around the use of regenerative cells and/or strattice.
I am getting it covered by insurance which means surgery for me sooner rather than later which definitely went into my decision.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Update!
Only about 17 days left til surgery. Yeah! I got some loose shorts that are breathable so that when I get back from surgery I have more options. The shorts are softer, roomier and seem great for recovery post op. I am excited yet for some reason I feel like I am dreaming. I want to fast forward to being Post op.
I have been doing extra cardio at the gym to help me with my recovery post op. I have aso been taking vitamin C and a cranberry vitamin that will Aid in my Urniary tract health.
I was feeling a little bad that I have not blogging everyday but I thought about it and once I have surgery I will be posting about my healing everyday and possibly even multiple times a day just so I don't forget anything.
I have been doing extra cardio at the gym to help me with my recovery post op. I have aso been taking vitamin C and a cranberry vitamin that will Aid in my Urniary tract health.
I was feeling a little bad that I have not blogging everyday but I thought about it and once I have surgery I will be posting about my healing everyday and possibly even multiple times a day just so I don't forget anything.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Another thing I don't have to worry about!
My ID was going to expire on my birthday which is basically a week before surgery. The only day off I had coming up was the day after my birthday which would only allow me 4 days to get my ID before I left for surgery. My state makes me wait for it in the mail.
I knew that would be cutting it close so I tried to apply for a renewal online since that is available. I did it on the 15th of July. They say allow 2-4 weeks it was in the mail last night which was July 27th. Came in 12 days SWEET! The only thing is that this picture is really clear and it accentuates the fact that I took the picture when I looked like a 16 year old boy. I plan to be clean shaven for surgery anyway so I guess that will help thwart any red flags that come up at the airport. lol. I am happy that I got another thing out of the way. 20 days left.
I knew that would be cutting it close so I tried to apply for a renewal online since that is available. I did it on the 15th of July. They say allow 2-4 weeks it was in the mail last night which was July 27th. Came in 12 days SWEET! The only thing is that this picture is really clear and it accentuates the fact that I took the picture when I looked like a 16 year old boy. I plan to be clean shaven for surgery anyway so I guess that will help thwart any red flags that come up at the airport. lol. I am happy that I got another thing out of the way. 20 days left.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Sharing pictures
I have been playing with the idea of sharing pictures but as I get closer to surgery I really don't know if I will. At least not on the net.My wife made some good points about how With people spamming and stealing content it wouldn't be a good idea. On one hand I have only seen one penis from a guy of my complexion on the net. I appreciated that. I want to sort of pay it forward. I think it would be ironic that I don't really show my chest because I am modest and shy YET I am actually considering putting my penis out there. I think it has to do with the fact that there are dark skin men with top surgery pictures and as I mentioned only 1 of a post op penis 2 if I consider the one a shade or so lighter.
I don't want my genitals up for judgement. I have heard the things people say of even the best of surgery and how discouraging people can be. If I saw or heard those things about my post op genitals I would feel awkward. I would also feel upset for me putting myself in such a vulnerable position to have people be negative and judgemental. My wife worries about this too and fears it will make my dysphoria worse. When I think of this I understand why there are not as many photos out there.
I guess I will just have to see how I feel post op and go from there. I will definitly be taking photos to track my healing and for my personal viewing.
I don't want my genitals up for judgement. I have heard the things people say of even the best of surgery and how discouraging people can be. If I saw or heard those things about my post op genitals I would feel awkward. I would also feel upset for me putting myself in such a vulnerable position to have people be negative and judgemental. My wife worries about this too and fears it will make my dysphoria worse. When I think of this I understand why there are not as many photos out there.
I guess I will just have to see how I feel post op and go from there. I will definitly be taking photos to track my healing and for my personal viewing.
Monday, July 26, 2010
22 days to go til lower surgery and stopping T
I am 22 days away from having lower surgery. I didn't take my T shot yesterday. I called my Surgeon today asking when I was supposed to stop because I didn't recall having to stop but other guys were telling me I should. I asked around and no one has really been responding. I guess we will see. I stopped it more so for my own comfort because I am scared to get an erection while I have stitches in my penis. That wouldn't be fun! I know a guy who had meta and said he got a hard on and it was soooo painful while recovering. I will admit that I am concerned that not taking my T will cause shrinkage but even with that I am good size for surgery so I am not gonna stress too much. If it really starts to get to me then I will take my shot but as of right now I dont think Im gonna take it until after surgery.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Getting my body ready
I am very proud of myself because I feel my body getting stronger. Not just in the physical sense but also the spiritual sense. I have been going to the gym and really focusing my energy. Since joining the gym I have mentally been in a better place. I feel really calm despite all the stuff going on with me and around me.
I started taking vitamin C today for my immune system. I also started taking a cranberry pill to promot urinary tract health since I am getting urehtral lengthening. I will take it up until the week before surgery then start back up after surgery. I also have been drinking more water and eating more fruit. I feel like my health and fitness is the only thing left for me to control while I count down the days.
24 days left til surgery!
I started taking vitamin C today for my immune system. I also started taking a cranberry pill to promot urinary tract health since I am getting urehtral lengthening. I will take it up until the week before surgery then start back up after surgery. I also have been drinking more water and eating more fruit. I feel like my health and fitness is the only thing left for me to control while I count down the days.
24 days left til surgery!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I really like my new gym
I worked out again tonight and it was AWESOME. Tonight there were a lot more people at the gym but there was still space for me to work out and not have to wait so that reinforced the fact that I made a good pick. I also have a friend who worked out with me 2 times of the 3 times I went to work out and he is turning out to be an awesome gym buddy. In the past my workout buddies have been guys who are already set in their workout routine and they are trying to help me get on one. He hasnt been working out too consistantly either so both of us as basically starting fresh to develop good habits and since we are in the same place I feel it is easier for us to support each other.
I also like the fact that we can workout together on the same muscle group but also separate and do our own thing. In the past I felt pressured by my workout buddies to be their shadow and do exactly as they did if I wanted to see results. I am really liking my new gym and I am kind of sad that I will only be able to work out for a month then I have to stop because of my upcoming surgery. I do plan to put in as much gym time as possible pre-op and after surgery really get in there. I plan to have my body looking the way I want it to by next summer. It is nice now but I want it to be SMOKING next summer. I want heads to turn. lol. Every once in a while a little extra attention is nice.
I also like the fact that we can workout together on the same muscle group but also separate and do our own thing. In the past I felt pressured by my workout buddies to be their shadow and do exactly as they did if I wanted to see results. I am really liking my new gym and I am kind of sad that I will only be able to work out for a month then I have to stop because of my upcoming surgery. I do plan to put in as much gym time as possible pre-op and after surgery really get in there. I plan to have my body looking the way I want it to by next summer. It is nice now but I want it to be SMOKING next summer. I want heads to turn. lol. Every once in a while a little extra attention is nice.
Another GREAT day!
Today I decided that it would be best for me to stay in a hotel than the surgery apartment available. I am happy with my decision and think overall it will promote my healing because I will be very ZEN in a space that I have control over who comes and goes. I sent the last of what paperwork I needed to send before surgery. I am officially good to go!
I had a check list of things that needed to be done.
Medical clearance- CHECK
Insurance confirmation for agreement to pay for surgery- CHECK
Plane Tickets- CHECK
Hotel Reserved- CHECK
Transportation from Airport and back- CHECK
(The airport is 2 hrs away from where I am having surgery and I don't drive so this is VERY important)
Medical leave approval- CHECK
The office coordinator for my surgeon asked me about my letter and how many I needed post op. The first one is free and any additional letters are $20 a pop. I don't know how many to get because everything is pretty much changed. I said 3 but I don't think I need that many. Maybe I will only need 2. I guess I will get the 3 to be on the safe side. I also asked about getting a copy of the OR report and I was told I could get that most likely before I leave town after surgery and that would be free. For the state I was born in I need that to seal my records so I will definitely submit that along with my SRS letter. Im due for a new passport so I will use a letter for that too so I can just be done with that and not have to explain anything ever again!
It still doesn't feel too real but it's getting there! I am getting more and more excited I must say. I am starting to have dreams about my post op body and all the wonderful things that come with that for me.
I had a check list of things that needed to be done.
Medical clearance- CHECK
Insurance confirmation for agreement to pay for surgery- CHECK
Plane Tickets- CHECK
Hotel Reserved- CHECK
Transportation from Airport and back- CHECK
(The airport is 2 hrs away from where I am having surgery and I don't drive so this is VERY important)
Medical leave approval- CHECK
The office coordinator for my surgeon asked me about my letter and how many I needed post op. The first one is free and any additional letters are $20 a pop. I don't know how many to get because everything is pretty much changed. I said 3 but I don't think I need that many. Maybe I will only need 2. I guess I will get the 3 to be on the safe side. I also asked about getting a copy of the OR report and I was told I could get that most likely before I leave town after surgery and that would be free. For the state I was born in I need that to seal my records so I will definitely submit that along with my SRS letter. Im due for a new passport so I will use a letter for that too so I can just be done with that and not have to explain anything ever again!
It still doesn't feel too real but it's getting there! I am getting more and more excited I must say. I am starting to have dreams about my post op body and all the wonderful things that come with that for me.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Where to stay?
So I mentioned the packet and booking my flight but I still need to decide where to stay. My surgeon has a surgery house kind of place and I am considering that or the hotel I previously chose to use while I was there for surgery. I will decide in the next 2 days. I am just getting more info about the "surger house". I will keep you posted on how that decision goes.
I got my packet and more
I got my pre- surgery packet in the mail today. I figured it would be here today. I did talk to the Office coordinator for my surgeon and I was informed that my packet was sent and should be here today the latest. I was optimistic in my last post so it just proved me right. lol. I only really called about the medical clearance from my Doc to make sure my fax was received. The office coordinator gave me the most important information when I called so I was happy about that.
I immediately booked my flight because the cost of that has been creeping up over the weeks. I got a decent rate I think. Could have been better if I purchased my tickets about 3 weeks ago but I'm not gonna stress it. I am happy to have that settled.
I immediately booked my flight because the cost of that has been creeping up over the weeks. I got a decent rate I think. Could have been better if I purchased my tickets about 3 weeks ago but I'm not gonna stress it. I am happy to have that settled.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
I found me a gym!
I found the perfect gym FOR ME yesterday. Everyone was telling me oh try this gym or that gym for X, Y, Z reason. That seemed very reasonable but didn't work for me. I found a gym that had a child care option during certain hours which conveniently is during the hours I plan to work out anyway. It also has the equipment and max amount of weights I was looking for. The gym locker room didn't smell funny which wasa plus. They have showers that are private in case I want to take a shower before I leave. The environment also seems very chill. I don't feel like I would be judged there. I went today for the first time to workout and I got a good vibe. There were all kinds of people there and it felt right. I almost slammed the weights by accident and didn't have to worry about a random alarm going off accusing me of being a "lunk."
I think this could be the start of a BEAUTIFUL relationship.
I think this could be the start of a BEAUTIFUL relationship.
One month to go!
I have exactly 30 days until my meta with hookup which I am very excited about. I am currently working out to get my body into the best shape possible for surgery. I have already been cleared by my PMD and I got the clearance in the mail yesterday. My insurance stuff is all set. I am just waiting for my packet from the Surgeon's office which should have been here by now. I will email them tonight about that though and hopefully it is either in the mail already or will be in the mail ASAP. I think it has been sent though and just hasn't gotten here.
I just need to book my flight and hotel which is why I need the packet because it has hotel discount and travel information in there.
It still doesn't feel real yet so for now I am still just going through the motions.
I just need to book my flight and hotel which is why I need the packet because it has hotel discount and travel information in there.
It still doesn't feel real yet so for now I am still just going through the motions.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
My Mother isn't coming
That's right my Mother is not coming with me when I go for lower surgery. I am not disappointed but actually relieved because I was starting to stress over whether or not she was really ready to deal with me being post lower surgery. I think mentally she might be but I feel her being there will cause her to feel the need to nurse me and I was feeling weird about my Mother seeing my penis. I will see her though about 3 weeks after surgery so I will post on that.
The reason why she can't go is because of her time off from work situation. She already had something planned 2 weeks before my sugery and she can't get approval for both things and I wouldn't ask her to miss the other think she had planned. I gess the universe has a way of working these things out!
The reason why she can't go is because of her time off from work situation. She already had something planned 2 weeks before my sugery and she can't get approval for both things and I wouldn't ask her to miss the other think she had planned. I gess the universe has a way of working these things out!
Magic in the Mail!
I got the letter from my HR department today stating that I am approved for my leave for surgery. Another thing I can check off in terms of things to do prior to surgery. This makes me a VERY happy man. Part of the reason I am so excited is because I REFUSED to put GID as the diagnosis on the disability form. The woman from HR called me up stating that there needed to be a diagnosis code or a diagnosis written out. The surgeon didn't want to tell my HR department it was hypospadias due to "ethical" reasons. Though I feel I fit the bill for this. We were able to compromise on using an ICD9 code that was closer to the surgery I was having but still vague enough that if the code was looked up by the HR woman it wouldn't disclose my trans history. The papers were resubmitted and I never heard anything from her she only told me a response would be in the mail by next week. That was Thursday she told me this. Today is Saturday and I check my mail and find this little piece of magic. Life is good!
Deeper connections
I had a good day connecting on a deeper level with a guy I know. It started out as us just going to ride bikes and turned into so much more. It was great. Bike riding, sightseeing, sandwiches, good conversation, more bike riding, food and a movie.
It was great and I feel that I need to continue to make more deeper connections with genuine people.
It was great and I feel that I need to continue to make more deeper connections with genuine people.
Another productive day!
I rode 17.14 miles total today. I will feel it tomorrow! I am proud of myself. I rode at high speed in each direction which shocked me. I was trying to keep up with a buddy who is in peak shape and has been cycling for weeks for me to keep up let me know my body is stronger than I thought.
I am taking it one day at a time and not waiiting to have some big fitness epiphany but rather doing everything physical I can to get me burning the calories. Another successful and productive day!
I am taking it one day at a time and not waiiting to have some big fitness epiphany but rather doing everything physical I can to get me burning the calories. Another successful and productive day!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Another one of those days
I found out that someone I THOUGHT I could trust disclosed my trans history without my permission. The people she disclosed the information to know me through other stuff but they didn't know I was the same guy being discussed until one detail was mentioned. Whether they knew or not it was not this woman's place to discuss my business without my permission. This shit is really getting old. I know in 2010 there is no way to be 100% stealth but why are you giving people YOU don't know my personal history. This is really ridiculous! If I were in a different place in my life I would be upset but honestly it's just sad that people have to cut me down which is what the disclosure was intended to do to make themselves look and feel better. They made a big mistake and they are about to make an ass out of themselves in front of some big wigs by doing so because most people when they hear what happened won't believe it and those who do believe it will deal with this individual very harshly for disclosing people's private information which they deem as inappropriate.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Sweating and more sweat!
I just busted out some cardio. I was already sweating from it being so damn hot. I did some rope cardio and that really got me sweating so much I couldn't see. My shoulders were really starting to feel it when I was done. I had a nice protein shake. Cooling down now then shower and bed. No more excuses!
Paperwork is IN!
I got in all my paperwork for my medical leave and disability for lower surgery. 40 days left! I needed the paperwork in by 30 days so I wouldn't lose out on any pay. I am very happy I took care of this. My HR person told me I should have a letter within a week regarding the pay situation and whether that was approved or not and at what rate. Either way I know I will be off for surgery since my supervisor already approved that. All I have to do now is book my flight and hotel which hopefully after some minor logistics are cleared up I will be able to do next week.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Getting back on track!
I just did some dumbell curls at home and drank a protein shake. I know it isn't much but I figured instead of me waiting for some grand beginning to get me back into working out I need to just take babysteps and do what I can because something is better than nothing!
I am officially getting back on track!
I am officially getting back on track!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Survived another "Family" Event on July 3rd, 2010
I was contemplating going to a Birthday party for my cousin, "S"'s children. I went to the Baby shower for my cousin last April and that was the first time anyone on my Father's side had seen me since I began my transition. That worked out well however I was nervous about going this time because my Father would be there this time. In general I never liked seeing him but since he found out about my medical transition he has said many messed up things that has solidified for me that we will never have a relationship and I am done trying to have one. I went back and forth as to whether or not to go and decided in the end to go.
The morning of I was tring to make my last minute travel arrangements. Since I don't drive I would need a ride at least part way or spring for a cab. I managed to swing a ride with my sister-in-law (My brother is a away but she was still attending the even) but came to find out that my cousin from my mother's side of the family was staying at the house this weekend. This particular cousin "J" had not seen me in many years and I wasn't even sure he had even heard about my transition since at the time he was under 18 I know he wasn't in the information loop. I called my Mother for advice and she said she would speak to J and get him up to speed.
Fastforward to later. I am at the train station and my sister-in-law picks me up at the station "J" is in the car and he addresses me as my new legal name which made me happy. He was fine the rest of the day so no worries there. We killed some time at the house and I guess he got used to how I looked now because I caught him "looking at me" less and less throughout the day. He wasn't exactly steering when he thought I wasn't paying attention but moreso assessing my features. It was fine.
Eventually we get to the Event and all of my family who saw me last year for the first time was there and they were fine. One of my Aunts who wasn't there last time was there this time. She looked like she was "stuck" for a minute. I think it was because I look so male and because I look like my brother so much if it wasn't for the difference in height and the fact I don't wear glasses people would confuse us far more often from a distance. I feel like this Aunt may have heard from my other Aunts some mixed version as to how my appearance might be "different" but I don't think she was expecting me to look make but more like a "woman in men's clothes and no hair" she was very suprised at the reality of me. I may be jumping to conclusions but her face said it all. She tried not to be obvious but I have seen the look from others who saw me for the first time since my medical transition so it is safe to say if I am not all right at least I am partially right as to what was going on in her mind.
I'm at the event for a while so all of that was good. I guess I should mention my daughter was with me but my wife wasn't so people were curious about who the baby was and where she came from. I explained that my wife and her adopted her and no one made any off color comments. They were more suprised that I was married and didn't have a big Traditional family wedding than the fact that I was married and to a woman. I expected at least one comment about me not "really" being married but that comment never came. At least I didn't hear it. No one even incinuated the possibility of me having given birth to my daughter which I am happy about. She does look like me but I didn't want people assuming I would have given birth. That may be good for Thomas Beatie and a few guys I know online and in real life but that is not my journey.
The moment of truth came. My father got to the event he was late but he got there along with my step-mother and my 2 half sisters. My sisters have seen me multiple times since my medical transition began and they were fine with it. Both of them were more excited about seeing my daughter and they kind of fought over her because they both wanted to hold her. My step- Mother came over to me and said Hi and gave me a big hug like she always did. She called me the appropriate name then she too was mesmorized by the the powerful cuteness of my daughter and scooped her up. I saw my father watching me from a distanced and I paid him no mind. Several people asked if I went over to say I to him and I made it clear that I was not going to go out of my way to say anything to him but if I happened to pass him then I would say hellp out of respect.
That time came. I said to him "Hello, how are you?" he responded "fine". I said "that's good" and walked away. I didn't make any real eye contact and really didn't want to engage in conversation with him but just went through the motions. The day turned out great. No drama. I made small talk with my Aunts and they were nice and didn't shun me seeing as how that whole side of the family is ULTRA conservative.
I survived another "Family" Event. I don't know how many of the family events I will go to but for this cousin who has always been in my corner I would gladly risk the potential discomfort because I know if my father did come out of his face to me she would have put him in his place.
The morning of I was tring to make my last minute travel arrangements. Since I don't drive I would need a ride at least part way or spring for a cab. I managed to swing a ride with my sister-in-law (My brother is a away but she was still attending the even) but came to find out that my cousin from my mother's side of the family was staying at the house this weekend. This particular cousin "J" had not seen me in many years and I wasn't even sure he had even heard about my transition since at the time he was under 18 I know he wasn't in the information loop. I called my Mother for advice and she said she would speak to J and get him up to speed.
Fastforward to later. I am at the train station and my sister-in-law picks me up at the station "J" is in the car and he addresses me as my new legal name which made me happy. He was fine the rest of the day so no worries there. We killed some time at the house and I guess he got used to how I looked now because I caught him "looking at me" less and less throughout the day. He wasn't exactly steering when he thought I wasn't paying attention but moreso assessing my features. It was fine.
Eventually we get to the Event and all of my family who saw me last year for the first time was there and they were fine. One of my Aunts who wasn't there last time was there this time. She looked like she was "stuck" for a minute. I think it was because I look so male and because I look like my brother so much if it wasn't for the difference in height and the fact I don't wear glasses people would confuse us far more often from a distance. I feel like this Aunt may have heard from my other Aunts some mixed version as to how my appearance might be "different" but I don't think she was expecting me to look make but more like a "woman in men's clothes and no hair" she was very suprised at the reality of me. I may be jumping to conclusions but her face said it all. She tried not to be obvious but I have seen the look from others who saw me for the first time since my medical transition so it is safe to say if I am not all right at least I am partially right as to what was going on in her mind.
I'm at the event for a while so all of that was good. I guess I should mention my daughter was with me but my wife wasn't so people were curious about who the baby was and where she came from. I explained that my wife and her adopted her and no one made any off color comments. They were more suprised that I was married and didn't have a big Traditional family wedding than the fact that I was married and to a woman. I expected at least one comment about me not "really" being married but that comment never came. At least I didn't hear it. No one even incinuated the possibility of me having given birth to my daughter which I am happy about. She does look like me but I didn't want people assuming I would have given birth. That may be good for Thomas Beatie and a few guys I know online and in real life but that is not my journey.
The moment of truth came. My father got to the event he was late but he got there along with my step-mother and my 2 half sisters. My sisters have seen me multiple times since my medical transition began and they were fine with it. Both of them were more excited about seeing my daughter and they kind of fought over her because they both wanted to hold her. My step- Mother came over to me and said Hi and gave me a big hug like she always did. She called me the appropriate name then she too was mesmorized by the the powerful cuteness of my daughter and scooped her up. I saw my father watching me from a distanced and I paid him no mind. Several people asked if I went over to say I to him and I made it clear that I was not going to go out of my way to say anything to him but if I happened to pass him then I would say hellp out of respect.
That time came. I said to him "Hello, how are you?" he responded "fine". I said "that's good" and walked away. I didn't make any real eye contact and really didn't want to engage in conversation with him but just went through the motions. The day turned out great. No drama. I made small talk with my Aunts and they were nice and didn't shun me seeing as how that whole side of the family is ULTRA conservative.
I survived another "Family" Event. I don't know how many of the family events I will go to but for this cousin who has always been in my corner I would gladly risk the potential discomfort because I know if my father did come out of his face to me she would have put him in his place.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Getting in the Gym
I am finally gonna bog down and get a gym membership. Now that my daughter is settled in a schedule it makes more sense for me to do it now. I tried the whole workout at home business and I was able to do it for a while but now I really can't because when I am home there are too many distractions. I know if I have a membership I will be paying money and I don't like to waste money so that will definitely be enough motivation to get me there in the beginning. The results and the increased strength will be what keeps me going.
"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
Meeting new guys
I went to a group that I hadn't been to in a while for several reason. I went in with a open heart and open mind and it was awesome. Good conversation and good people. I met some cool people who I can see myself getting to know but since I am in the mental space of weeding out those who are negative I have to hold off on that but the potential is there. I am happy about that. I want to have more positive people around me. I realized that people as a whole aren't the issue but the negative drama carrying people. I know since I started this blog talking about my "community" issues butI feel myself finally taking steps to make a change and not just TALKING about making a change. We shall see what happens.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Whipping it out!
I found myself practicing "whipping it out" to urinate. I am currently large enough pre-op to pull my penis through the opening of my underwear and pants. Due to the darn ligament though when I get to my parts I get nervous about the zipper being too close to my pens since my junk does sit low. I am really looking forward to see how much length I get post-op and to urinate through my neo-phallus for the first time. I pee standing up but have to use an STP or drop my pants to my knees. I just want to go to the urinal and whip it out. Take care of my business and go without worrying about fumbling with an STP. I am really excited.
It feels weird doing this but practice makes perfect I guess. I am also figuring out how to position my hands for the most comfort and to avoid the zipper.
It feels weird doing this but practice makes perfect I guess. I am also figuring out how to position my hands for the most comfort and to avoid the zipper.
Who are my real friends?
I am starting to see who legitimately has my back and who doesn't. The guys who don't have my back some of them are still nice guys and I legitimately like them but not everyone is dependable. Not everyone makes a good friend. Some guys are good drinking buddies but I don't drink so that kind of friendship will fade fast! There are other guys who are good sports buddies. From April til August those guys will be my main amigos! There are also those guys who I can sit and talk with about life! We can be honest and share with each other without feeling judged.
I also find myself building stronger bonds with guys online through my lower surgery journey. I feel like talking to guys who "get it" is awesome. My friends who don't want lower surgery still support me are cool BUT they don't get it so somethings I would want to discuss with them would be out of place I feel.
I really am starting to see who my real friends are. I am also trying to get out of the habit of considering everyone friends just cause we talk or know the same people. I am getting comfortable with calling people my associate or a cool guy I know. There is nothing wrong with that I feel it's real. Some associates have now become friends and some friends have become associates that is part of life.
The thing that does bother me is when people pretend to be my friend or like me to my face (which is usually associated with them trying to get a favor out of me) but behind my back they are negative.
There is nothing anyone can say about me behind my back that will make me feel bad. If you don't like my top surgery so what at least I had surgery that is what was important to me! If you think I am stupid for getting a meta so what?!! If you want to have a say in the matter then pay for it! If you aren't gonna pay then shut the hell up!
I'm learning who my real friends are and connecting one on one with guys who I would like to develop healthy friendships with.
I also find myself building stronger bonds with guys online through my lower surgery journey. I feel like talking to guys who "get it" is awesome. My friends who don't want lower surgery still support me are cool BUT they don't get it so somethings I would want to discuss with them would be out of place I feel.
I really am starting to see who my real friends are. I am also trying to get out of the habit of considering everyone friends just cause we talk or know the same people. I am getting comfortable with calling people my associate or a cool guy I know. There is nothing wrong with that I feel it's real. Some associates have now become friends and some friends have become associates that is part of life.
The thing that does bother me is when people pretend to be my friend or like me to my face (which is usually associated with them trying to get a favor out of me) but behind my back they are negative.
There is nothing anyone can say about me behind my back that will make me feel bad. If you don't like my top surgery so what at least I had surgery that is what was important to me! If you think I am stupid for getting a meta so what?!! If you want to have a say in the matter then pay for it! If you aren't gonna pay then shut the hell up!
I'm learning who my real friends are and connecting one on one with guys who I would like to develop healthy friendships with.
Friday, June 25, 2010
I told my brothers
After blogging up a storm and posting up a storm online last night I decided to mention to my brothers that I was having surgery and let it go from there. I have 2 brothers. The older of the 2 is really conservative and a church Deacon (I will refer to him as BB for Bigger Brother). The other is more laid back and down to earth(Who I refer to as BH= Bighead as I so affectionately call him).
I sent BB a text (We communicate better via text) asking him about some family stuff coming up and to see when he might be free to talk. He told me that the times that I was going to try and see him he will be out of the country for a mission trip. I told him I wanted to try and talk to him face to face. It didn't seem like it was going to happen so I just let him know I'm having surgery in a few weeks. He asked if everything was okay since I did have a liver scare back in December (which turned out to be nothing). I told him that I was having "THE surgery". I used those words because I knew he would get the picture. He replied by saying that he though I already had it. When I was having top surgery I just told him I was having a transition related surgery and left it at that. I know discussing this stuff makes him feel awkward so I didn't tell him what so I understand the confusion since he knows nothing about transition related surgeries and would never look it up. Also since I had top surgery he knows someone saw me at a urinal so I guess he assumed I already had genital surgery for that reason as well. I explained to him that there are multiple surgery related to the "medical process" and he said ok. I didn't want to give him too much info but wanted him to feel in the loop. I also know he would respect the fact that I am telling him as opposed to him hearing through the grapevine (MY MOTHER!) He did appreciate that. I told him if I he had any questions I am open to answering them and if he didn't want to discuss it any more that was fine too but I wanted to leave the opportunity for communication open. He said that he appreciated that and might have a few minor questions but nothing too much because all of this is awkward for him. BB has been great at referring to me as his brother and using male pronouns when we are around other people. He also consistantly uses my name and even wished me a Happy Father's Day. I know it is hard for him at times due to his faith and feeling conflicted but I know he loves me enough to accept me for me which I appreciate.
I sent BH a text basically saying that I wanted him to know that I was having surgery in August. He also immediately thought it was related to the previously mentioned health scare. I told him know I am just getting "The big surgery". I used this term because when I told him I was medically transitioning he asked if I was gonna get "the big surgery". At that time I told him I will let him know what is going on as it becomes relevant.
Today while we were texting he asked if I was sure I want to do that. I told him yes I am very sure and I waited this long to make sure I made the right decision for me. He said that as long as I am sure that's what I want to do and I'm happy then I have his blessing. I wasn't really seeking his blessing but it is nice that he gave it anyway. I asked him if he had any questions to let me know. He said he has enough info so he doesn't have any questions and we are good! (He love bloody horror movies but medical bloody stuff and needles freak him out so he doesnt like discussing any type of surgery which I understand). He just wants me to let him know when I go and make sure he gets a text or call to let him know everything is okay when I get out.
I was so nervous about how to approach telling them and what the outcome would be. I am glad that I finally got that out of the way. If either of them does come with questions I will probably blog about that conversation in case it might help other guys. The countdown continues!
I sent BB a text (We communicate better via text) asking him about some family stuff coming up and to see when he might be free to talk. He told me that the times that I was going to try and see him he will be out of the country for a mission trip. I told him I wanted to try and talk to him face to face. It didn't seem like it was going to happen so I just let him know I'm having surgery in a few weeks. He asked if everything was okay since I did have a liver scare back in December (which turned out to be nothing). I told him that I was having "THE surgery". I used those words because I knew he would get the picture. He replied by saying that he though I already had it. When I was having top surgery I just told him I was having a transition related surgery and left it at that. I know discussing this stuff makes him feel awkward so I didn't tell him what so I understand the confusion since he knows nothing about transition related surgeries and would never look it up. Also since I had top surgery he knows someone saw me at a urinal so I guess he assumed I already had genital surgery for that reason as well. I explained to him that there are multiple surgery related to the "medical process" and he said ok. I didn't want to give him too much info but wanted him to feel in the loop. I also know he would respect the fact that I am telling him as opposed to him hearing through the grapevine (MY MOTHER!) He did appreciate that. I told him if I he had any questions I am open to answering them and if he didn't want to discuss it any more that was fine too but I wanted to leave the opportunity for communication open. He said that he appreciated that and might have a few minor questions but nothing too much because all of this is awkward for him. BB has been great at referring to me as his brother and using male pronouns when we are around other people. He also consistantly uses my name and even wished me a Happy Father's Day. I know it is hard for him at times due to his faith and feeling conflicted but I know he loves me enough to accept me for me which I appreciate.
I sent BH a text basically saying that I wanted him to know that I was having surgery in August. He also immediately thought it was related to the previously mentioned health scare. I told him know I am just getting "The big surgery". I used this term because when I told him I was medically transitioning he asked if I was gonna get "the big surgery". At that time I told him I will let him know what is going on as it becomes relevant.
Today while we were texting he asked if I was sure I want to do that. I told him yes I am very sure and I waited this long to make sure I made the right decision for me. He said that as long as I am sure that's what I want to do and I'm happy then I have his blessing. I wasn't really seeking his blessing but it is nice that he gave it anyway. I asked him if he had any questions to let me know. He said he has enough info so he doesn't have any questions and we are good! (He love bloody horror movies but medical bloody stuff and needles freak him out so he doesnt like discussing any type of surgery which I understand). He just wants me to let him know when I go and make sure he gets a text or call to let him know everything is okay when I get out.
I was so nervous about how to approach telling them and what the outcome would be. I am glad that I finally got that out of the way. If either of them does come with questions I will probably blog about that conversation in case it might help other guys. The countdown continues!
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