I still HAVE NOT decided on whether or not I will share pictures of my lower surgery.
I am a very shy (it's true!) and personal person but I feel as a man of color who hasn't seen that many results from other men of color it might be beneficial to other guys.
If I do share pictures I don't know whether or not I will post them anonymously to transbucket, or lower surgery surgical groups.
If I decide to share but not via online will I have a picture of my lower surgery and share that at conference show and tells only? That way I have 100% control of who sees my genitals without having to drop my pants in a room of guys. (I know a guy who did this at a conference and I thought it was a great idea).
Decisions, decisions!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
When will it feel real?
For some reason in my mind. I feel like surgery isn't happening. Don't get me wrong I have the letter from insurance. Paperwork signed by my supervisor approving my leave. I only have one paper to hand in to HR still before I leave for surgery. I have my hotel and airline picked out just need to purchase tickets and make hotel reservations. I'm waiting just to be on the safe side since the best deals are "NON-refundable".
In my mind I know surgery is happening but my heart doesn't believe it. I don't think it will be real until I wake up from surgery! Which is interesting. It is just that I wanted this so badly and kind of tried to talk myself into not wanting surgery due to the horror stories I heard. Then I realized that it WASN'T that I wanted surgery but I NEEDED surgery. Now as the thing that seemed like a dream becomes reality I feel like I am in a dream still and it isn't real.
As I approach my surgery date some people try to talk me out of surgery which is interesting because the ones trying to talk me out of it are transitioning/ transitioned men themselves. They are concerned that I am "messing with a good thing" and will "damage" my penis and "regret it". My mom who is really conservative and said she was never going to speak to me again when I started medically transitioning, is now my biggest cheerleader and wants to come with me for surgery. My friend who is a cis woman is happy for me. I only told her because she got really scared that I was having surgery and she figured it was either that or a liver transplant (long unrelated story). We are really close Our friendship began the day I started T so she has really seen me change and grow. I felt comfortable sharing this with her though I have not told my biological brothers yet (who have been great with regards to my transition.)
The forementioned women are behind me but guys who I thought would support me aren't. Some are being negative about the whole thing but they don't need lower surgery and I do! I am happy though that the guys I trust the most and are my support system are really behind me and that is all that matters. Even though if no one supported me I would still be fine and move forward. I will admit that it is nice to have people who are supportive and there for me. With all that said I continue to plan and prep.
I don't know when it will feel real but I sure am happy!
In my mind I know surgery is happening but my heart doesn't believe it. I don't think it will be real until I wake up from surgery! Which is interesting. It is just that I wanted this so badly and kind of tried to talk myself into not wanting surgery due to the horror stories I heard. Then I realized that it WASN'T that I wanted surgery but I NEEDED surgery. Now as the thing that seemed like a dream becomes reality I feel like I am in a dream still and it isn't real.
As I approach my surgery date some people try to talk me out of surgery which is interesting because the ones trying to talk me out of it are transitioning/ transitioned men themselves. They are concerned that I am "messing with a good thing" and will "damage" my penis and "regret it". My mom who is really conservative and said she was never going to speak to me again when I started medically transitioning, is now my biggest cheerleader and wants to come with me for surgery. My friend who is a cis woman is happy for me. I only told her because she got really scared that I was having surgery and she figured it was either that or a liver transplant (long unrelated story). We are really close Our friendship began the day I started T so she has really seen me change and grow. I felt comfortable sharing this with her though I have not told my biological brothers yet (who have been great with regards to my transition.)
The forementioned women are behind me but guys who I thought would support me aren't. Some are being negative about the whole thing but they don't need lower surgery and I do! I am happy though that the guys I trust the most and are my support system are really behind me and that is all that matters. Even though if no one supported me I would still be fine and move forward. I will admit that it is nice to have people who are supportive and there for me. With all that said I continue to plan and prep.
I don't know when it will feel real but I sure am happy!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Beautiful Weekend
I had a great weekend. Got to meet a guy in real life I have been talking to for years online. I was so happy to see him because he has become such a good buddy I feel and also since he was in town for top surgery. Another guy I know was in town for top surgery so I hit the hospital up for a 2 for 1!
I had a good day out with the guys playing football, soccer and boxing. I worked up a good sweat with the boxing. Boxing headgear, gloves and 85+ in a park right under the hot sun is not something I would recommend! Fun but tiring.
Then Sunday was Fathers Day! My wife gave me the first part of my give around 1AM which was a bag of little things she knew I would love. Later in the day she took me to one of my favorite seafood Restaurants. I love her for that. She isnt really into seafood like that but she really went out of her way to get reservations and make sure I had a great day which I did.
I truely feel like a lucky man!
I had a good day out with the guys playing football, soccer and boxing. I worked up a good sweat with the boxing. Boxing headgear, gloves and 85+ in a park right under the hot sun is not something I would recommend! Fun but tiring.
Then Sunday was Fathers Day! My wife gave me the first part of my give around 1AM which was a bag of little things she knew I would love. Later in the day she took me to one of my favorite seafood Restaurants. I love her for that. She isnt really into seafood like that but she really went out of her way to get reservations and make sure I had a great day which I did.
I truely feel like a lucky man!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Getting into shape for surgery
This is my official proclamation that I will lose 10 lbs by surgery! I want to lose 15lbs total but I feel with the amount of time I have 10lbs is doable and will put my body right where I want it to be. I will be in the park with my guys tomorrow so I will definitely be sweating, running and burning some serious calories. I have already made adjustments to my diet now I just need to keep myself active to take the progress to the next level.
I also feel by reducing my overall body fat that will help reduce the size of my stomach and my mons fat to help with the aesthetics of my upcoming lower surgery.
I also feel by reducing my overall body fat that will help reduce the size of my stomach and my mons fat to help with the aesthetics of my upcoming lower surgery.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Should I be doing something?
I feel like I should be doing something. My meta is a few weeks away. I will admit I am not pumping. I have a little too much dysphoria and distraction lately to do so but I guess I should since it will make me feel like I am "preparing". I guys I should be working out also. I am 4lbs heavier than my personal preferred "max weight" which isnt a lot but with surgery coming up I want to be in a healthy BMI for the best results possible. I guess thinking of all of this means I really do have some things to do to prepare for surgery.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Moving right along!
I went to see my medical Doctor yesterday to get on my medical clearance stuff. Due to my medical history I am required to get an EKG. I decided to do it sooner rather than later so that if it looked funny (which mine sometimes do even when there is nothing wrong but that is my "baseline") I would have time to get cleared by my cardiologist if needed.
So I went in and showed my Doc the letter from insurance agreeing to pay for surgery she was so happy for me. She has known me since I was a child and actually used to work at the same medical facility as my mother so she has seen me in both my developmental stages as a human being and through my transition. Most of her other patients dont want lower surgery so this is all new territory to her and she was open to learning so we discussed where I am at in my process, what procedure I am having and might need in the future. We also discussed how she as my primary MD would fit into that with annual screenings and any other necessary care. It was a really nice talk we had. She wasn't even seeing patients yesterday but because it was me she decided to make and exception so that I could get things in sooner especially since between filling out camp forms and other summer medical stuff she is really busy (she does family medicine).
I did my EKG which was one of the best she has seen from me it was perfect so no need for me to see the Cardiologist. She reviewed my transition history so that she could include that in my clearance letter which was important because if I am under a certain amount of years in my transition I would need 2 mental health letters as opposed to one letter. I only have one letter and fortunately enough based on MY situation my history seems strong enough to my surgeon and insurance to not warrant a second letter confirming the need for me to have this surgery and my readiness.
My Doc had a meeting to get to but agreed to write my letter and get it to me ASAP. She did give me a copy of my EKG to fax to the surgeon because worse case scenario if the letter doesnt get done or Murphy's law kicks in as long as my surgeon has the clean EKG and her contact info we will be able to get me in the OR without issue.
I am so happy that things are coming together. It still doesn't feel real just yet but I am still excited!
So I went in and showed my Doc the letter from insurance agreeing to pay for surgery she was so happy for me. She has known me since I was a child and actually used to work at the same medical facility as my mother so she has seen me in both my developmental stages as a human being and through my transition. Most of her other patients dont want lower surgery so this is all new territory to her and she was open to learning so we discussed where I am at in my process, what procedure I am having and might need in the future. We also discussed how she as my primary MD would fit into that with annual screenings and any other necessary care. It was a really nice talk we had. She wasn't even seeing patients yesterday but because it was me she decided to make and exception so that I could get things in sooner especially since between filling out camp forms and other summer medical stuff she is really busy (she does family medicine).
I did my EKG which was one of the best she has seen from me it was perfect so no need for me to see the Cardiologist. She reviewed my transition history so that she could include that in my clearance letter which was important because if I am under a certain amount of years in my transition I would need 2 mental health letters as opposed to one letter. I only have one letter and fortunately enough based on MY situation my history seems strong enough to my surgeon and insurance to not warrant a second letter confirming the need for me to have this surgery and my readiness.
My Doc had a meeting to get to but agreed to write my letter and get it to me ASAP. She did give me a copy of my EKG to fax to the surgeon because worse case scenario if the letter doesnt get done or Murphy's law kicks in as long as my surgeon has the clean EKG and her contact info we will be able to get me in the OR without issue.
I am so happy that things are coming together. It still doesn't feel real just yet but I am still excited!
Monday, June 14, 2010
The opposite of Junk mail is....
What I have in my hands! It's PRICELESS! I just got the letter from my insurance stating that "based on the information received from your treating health care professional(s), _______ has determine that service(s)/care that you requested below on ________ is medically necessary."
It then goes on to say that to keep all parties informed they have notified my surgeon and the big name insurance of the decision.
Then after some more blah, blah, blah it says,
"Upon Recosideration, information justifies acute care admission for your genital/urological surgery for post-operative care."
So basically I am approved to have surgery AND approved to stay in the hospital post op since in the initial letter I got from these crazy people they basically said " We will approve surgery but you dont need to stay in the hospital post op."
It has the surgeon's name, my name, my insurance companies name, the hospital name where I am having surgery and then Tentative date.
This letter is MONEY! *Does happy dance*
It then goes on to say that to keep all parties informed they have notified my surgeon and the big name insurance of the decision.
Then after some more blah, blah, blah it says,
"Upon Recosideration, information justifies acute care admission for your genital/urological surgery for post-operative care."
So basically I am approved to have surgery AND approved to stay in the hospital post op since in the initial letter I got from these crazy people they basically said " We will approve surgery but you dont need to stay in the hospital post op."
It has the surgeon's name, my name, my insurance companies name, the hospital name where I am having surgery and then Tentative date.
This letter is MONEY! *Does happy dance*
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