When will it feel real?

For some reason in my mind. I feel like surgery isn't happening. Don't get me wrong I have the letter from insurance. Paperwork signed by my supervisor approving my leave. I only have one paper to hand in to HR still before I leave for surgery. I have my hotel and airline picked out just need to purchase tickets and make hotel reservations. I'm waiting just to be on the safe side since the best deals are "NON-refundable".

In my mind I know surgery is happening but my heart doesn't believe it. I don't think it will be real until I wake up from surgery! Which is interesting. It is just that I wanted this so badly and kind of tried to talk myself into not wanting surgery due to the horror stories I heard. Then I realized that it WASN'T that I wanted surgery but I NEEDED surgery. Now as the thing that seemed like a dream becomes reality I feel like I am in a dream still and it isn't real.

As I approach my surgery date some people try to talk me out of surgery which is interesting because the ones trying to talk me out of it are transitioning/ transitioned men themselves. They are concerned that I am "messing with a good thing" and will "damage" my penis and "regret it". My mom who is really conservative and said she was never going to speak to me again when I started medically transitioning, is now my biggest cheerleader and wants to come with me for surgery. My friend who is a cis woman is happy for me. I only told her because she got really scared that I was having surgery and she figured it was either that or a liver transplant (long unrelated story). We are really close Our friendship began the day I started T so she has really seen me change and grow. I felt comfortable sharing this with her though I have not told my biological brothers yet (who have been great with regards to my transition.)
The forementioned women are behind me but guys who I thought would support me aren't. Some are being negative about the whole thing but they don't need lower surgery and I do! I am happy though that the guys I trust the most and are my support system are really behind me and that is all that matters. Even though if no one supported me I would still be fine and move forward. I will admit that it is nice to have people who are supportive and there for me. With all that said I continue to plan and prep.

I don't know when it will feel real but I sure am happy!