Consult Outcome-May 29th,2010

Basically the consult was a waste of time. The surgeon seemed promising at the first consult but he won't be able to help me in a meaningful way. He is a skilled surgeon but for reasons I don't care to go into it doesn't look like I will be having lower surgery with him HOWEVER, if I have any complications he is close enough and skilled enough that I would feel more than comfortable having a revision with him if necessary.

After indulging in a few moments moment of frustration I reevaluated things and decided to for now stick with my plan A. The reason why is I was allowing the stress to get to me as well as outside influences. As of right now the original plan seems most practical for my needs, wants and budget. While the amount for the surgeon's fee upfront is annoying I know 3 things. 1) If I pick another surgeon for the same procedure it will be more 2) I may not get reimbursed with another surgeon 3) I will have to start all over again with the pre- approval process.

This is the plan for now and I will just prepare.

I need $11,200 to meet the balance and have a chipin (see below). As I save money I plan to adjust it to show how much money I still need. I didn't want to ask for help but someone told me that there is nothing wrong with asking for help since I have helped so many.
Anyone who wants to donate I greatly appreciate it and thank you in advance.

Consult day- May 29th, 2010

I decided to not let the issues with the other surgeon get me down. I am still working on that but in the mean time I have decided to move forward with following up on plan B in case I need it. I am going for consult number 2 with this surgeon. I had a consult with them back in November '09. They require all their patients to have hysto before he will begin lower surgery. I had my hysto since I last saw them. They are in network and take both my primary insurance and my wife's insurance so hopefully they will just take that upfront and not charge me the surgeon's fee ahead of time. I know the hospital stuff is definitely covered because the hospital where they have surgical rights is a "preferred" hospital for my insurance so that's a plus.

I'm about to head out. I am a little nervous but I am going to pray the entire way there and trust that all will work out for me to have surgery sooner rather than later.

I have my list of questions and I am ready to go!

I plan to come back posting nothing but great news when I get back!

Prepping plan B and putting plan A on life support

After yesterdays news I called the surgeon's office today and spoke to them about my concerns. They were really nice and agreed to "see what they can do" because they want to "work with me". I appreciated that. Even if they knock off $4,000 that would make a HUGE difference.

Since my plan B was fuzzy I decided to make one last attempt to clear things up. I was able to get some answers which was helpful and has lead me to feel the need to go back for another consult. This surgeon is DEFINITELY in Network for my insuranc and I know because the surgeon and the insurance old me. Also my first consult was paid 100% by insurance (they never pay 100% but rather an agreed upon rate).

I will discuss some of my concerns that was initially putting me on the fence. If I can secure answers that leave me feeling comfortable then that puts me in GREAT position for surgery to happen sooner rather than later.
I am prepping my plan be in case I need one and putting plan A on life support hoping for a revival!

The hurdles keep on coming!

I received an email today from the insurance person at the surgeon's office for my lower surgery. Basically it says that NOW (after all these weeks) that she realizes that the surgeon is no longer in network. WTH?!!?!? The email goes on to say the surgeon's fee alone is $11,000+ that I have to "pre-pay". Then on top of that they don't even know yet if the hospital is going to have me "pre-pay" so that will be more $$$$. I know that my penis is an investment and that is an investment I am willing to make. I just wish I had this information before I made my "in good faith" deposit to schedule a surgery date. Mind you this "deposit" is non-refundable. If I knew this was going to happen I would have used the deposit to a plane ticket to have a consult with another surgeon or even 2 that I was interested who are more UP FRONT about their insurance stuff.

I am going to go back to the drawing board and see what I am willing to compromise and what I am not willing to compromise. I may continue with this surgeon on this path and then again I may decide not to go that route at all and go a completely different direction. Honestly I am considering holding off all together and going overseas. If I am going to pay any large amount of money might as well get exactly what I want and for a reasonable amount which I know I can get overseas from very good Doctors.

Stealth is on my mind!

After blogging about attending a Trans conference and not disclosing my trans history but being seen more as a "provider" and "ally" as opposed to a community member the wheels in my head began to turn. I have been thinking lately about how stealth I want to be/ will be since I do have an infant daughter and I need to think about me as a transitioned man and how much of my history I want to disclose to her if any as well as a whole sort of other stuff.

I guess what I am trying to say through my ramblings is that the label/ identity/ word STEALTH has really been on my mind. I decided to look it up just for arguement sake and I found on wikiepedia the following:

Stealth

The term stealth is used to refer to a person who passes as their desired gender at all times, and who has broken contact with everybody who knew their gender history. Thus, everybody around them is unaware that they were not always of the gender presented, and they are effectively invisible within the population of their current gender. In order to live in stealth, an individual has to be extremely passable.

By this definition I am not stealth and neither are most of the people I know who self-identify as stealth. This leads me to believe that there might be a need for new language or a redefinitiion of what "stealth" means. For me I feel like I need to stop calling myself "stealth" due to languagea not being fitting. I generally don't call myself a "transman" or "trans" either but more a "man of transexperience". So for me a better fit in terms of language might be for me to say, "I'm just a private person" which those who know me long enough know is true. I am private about many things not just my transition/ medical history.

More thoughts floating through my mind.

Empire Conference May 22nd, 2010- Day 3

Day 3 was far better. Some guys showed up and we did have a good conversation during the "Ftm Sexuality" discussion. It was really interesting how things worked out. Though the workshop only had about 6 men of trans experience I feel the discussion was awesome and enlightening.
I have been networking and meeting new people. To be honest when I first got to the conference it reminded me a lot of SCC. Some of the reasons why were:
1) Predominantly organized and attended by (Self Identified)Crossdressers
2) Held at the Crowne Plaza Hotel (Scc is held at the Crown Plaza Ravinia in Atlanta and this conference was held at the Crowne Plaza Albany).
3)People shocked to meet a transitioned man

I will say that though there were NO other POC and very few men I felt more comfortable getting to know the caucasian Crossdressers. Everyone I spoke to was nice, friendly and respectful. While at SCC the past 2 years I went there was definitely a lot of "separation".

I feel that this conference gave me the opportunity to be in a trans/gender variant space and be a provider. I only disclosed to the transmen in the workshop about FTM sexuality and everyone else knew nothing of my trans history. Though there was opportunity for me to disclose to different individuals in the context of conversations that it would be relevant I still found myself feel fine not disclosing. I felt like it would be weird not to disclose because I have been tyring to find a way how to balance my "stealthness" and being an activist. I feel like this gave me the opportunity to practice that balance and I feel I was successful.

Empire Conference May 21, 2010- Day 2

Day 2 was better than Day 1. There is still not many men of trans experience. To be honest I can count on one hand the number of guys here on one hand. I did a presentation today which had little attendance. I did manage to go to 2 presentations/ workshops today so I guess I would call that progress. Dinner was surprisingly good though the entertainment "Trannies got talent"- A talent show did leave me with mixed feelings. I didn't like the name especially the use of the word "Trannies" However I will say the show was entertaining with people showing talents such as juggling, actual singing (which was really good I might add),different tricks and comedy.

I will see how the rest of the Conference works out.